Creative Profiles~

Hey! just got out of prison ladies and lookin to score "BIG TIME!" I have no sense of humor and I am short, fat, bald, and really ugly.

My personality sucks and I have an unidentifiable odor about me. My dinner conversations are less than desirable and you better wear a nose plug (afore mentioned odor) and my cooking sucks. I think the lunch meat is old, but the pickles are good though they are well preserved.

I do not like anything romantic, I hate travel, candlelit dinners, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing, yuck.
My kids are not a problem, all ten of them are in juvie hall not expected out anytime soon. Their mothers are still trying to collect child support, but all the drugs I've done really messes up the genetic testing.(lucky for me) I have lots of great relatives, as a matter of fact there is this little town in the middle of nowhere and we are all related. Cool huh? I have no $ either hope social security is not a problem???




Well as far as my ideal match? Must bathe once a month whether they need it or not. Teeth are optional, and lots of hair is desirable especially if it protrudes from the ears and nose.
There was this Doctor in the psych ward and she had a mustache, got me real hot!

Please send a picture so I can make sure you are not related to me, come to find out my last girlfriend was my cousin and that did not work out very well.Dating may get complicated because I'm still on house arrest, and all my outside time must be spent with my parole officer.Hey! maybe we could double date if you have any friends, and if it doesn't work out between us, I could ask her out to boot!
And the best part? If you respond to this add I will ask for your phone number and send you a picture of my "Junk" as soon as possible!!!

What "I AM" looking for in a woman is someone who can look through that line of BS, and see it for what it really is ,just an attempt to stand out in this crowd of endless blah, blah, blah,...I'm no way like that guy , but I am cute,(so i'm told) smart and funny. Give a wicked massage, and am also a very good listener. I would love to hear from you soon.

A first date would include, (but may not be limited to); embarrassing you in public,..... i.e. loud noises (flatulance, belching, snorting, sneezing , coughing without covering my mouth)

Public displays of affection (which may or may not include);.... holding hands, kissing/french kissing ,groping, fondling, exchanging bodily fluids, talk of sex, thinking of sex, checking out the girl in the next booth/dreaming of sex.

Act now this is a limited time offer. Offer is only good in the continental United States and Virgin Islands (he he he ,.I said Virgin) Offer may not be combined with any coupons or rebates.
Any resemblance of this add to any previous dates or mishaps is purely coincidental. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and hide my true identity from future ex-wives and paternity testing.

This is a profile that I found recently on an online dating site. The author was very good natured about letting me post it - I agreed to keep his identity safe, but if any of you ladies in the CT area are interested, I'd be happy to pass your info. along.