There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. (more on that in a bit)
Some people have asked me why I chose to label myself as "straight" in my dating profiles when I dated women for a number of years between being married and now (when I'm dating men again).
Given the choice, I'd prefer not to have to chose a label at all. With the way the dating websites work, though, my profile might not be displayed if I chose no label. So, I'm faced with choosing between two labels.
Right now, I choose "straight" but I share my history of dating women the first time I meet someone face to face. If I decide to meet someone in person they've already shown a certain level of open-mindedness and I'm pretty sure going into the meeting that they aren't going to have a strong reaction to it. So far I've only had one person react negatively and even that was mild. "I didn't want to date him anyway", this fox decided.
I choose not to use the "bi" label because there are certain assumptions that go along with that. I've decided to date men exclusively - at least for now. There's a possibility that I'll want to date women again sometime in the future - but I don't see myself wanting to date men and women simultaneously - it's kind of like mixing chocolate and vanilla ice cream - I like to keep them separate, savor each for their own unique, um........tastes. Somehow, though, people assume that if someone is bisexual they're hypersexual and want to sleep with anything with two legs.
The other issue that comes up with the bi label is the fear that bisexuality leads to lower ethical standards and a greater propensity for cheating. I have to say that lesbians are way more concerned about that than men, but I am still frequently asked about it by the men I know.
One of the unexpected reactions I've had to sharing my history of dating women is men's greater comfort in discussing their sexual histories and fantasies. It's been great and I've had some incredibly interesting conversations that I know I never had when I had dated men before.
There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. I say, go for it! Who cares? You only go through this life once! Who's going to judge you? Do you think some higher moral authority really cares about whose body you chose to touch when there are wars and genocide going on in the world? Honestly - you're just not that important in the bigger scheme of things - enjoy your life, try something new - at the very least, you'll have a good story to tell in the nursing home! Who knows, it might even be a turn-on for the little old lady sitting next to you some day!
4 comments:
Interesting topic. I dated a woman for a while who use to live with a woman. She was bi, but like you, would date only one or the other at a time. She is now married to a man. She was very open about it and admitted it confused her sometimes. She didn't understand how she could be attracted to both sexes. I recently read a review of a book titled "Sexual Fluidity" about bisexual women. I want to read it because I am a medical writer. I think--I'm not completely sure--the author suggests "it's different for girls."
I have never had any curiousity about or inclination toward another man. Maybe it's just different for me.
Sounds like a book for my list to read once classes end.
You've provided yet another tie in to Joe Jackson with his song "Different for Girls" - he seems to be the musician of the week~
and the unfortunate thing about men in our age group who find out you are bi, or have had a sexual relationship with a woman is,,, all they wanna know is,,, can i watch???
and for some reason... that mentality really turns me off...
Paisley~
I learned about that reaction from a guy friend, who advised that I use it as an automatic "screen-out"! I have to say I haven't had that reaction, but I know it's out there!
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