Voyeurism~

Voyeurism~







The watcher and the watched~

In the pathologic sense, a perverse addiction to watching people in sexual acts when they are unaware of being watched~

Voyeurism, by the way, is closely related to exhibitionism~
Sometimes the watcher likes to be watched~
Sometimes the one being watched enjoys the thrill of being "innocently" viewed~

I have often felt that online dating walks the edge of voyeurism~

I'm always guessing how much in a profile is a glimpse at a real person; how much is the persona they have invented - just for my benefit~

At the same time, I struggle to find a balance between revealing enough about my inner workings to a probable mate and how much to shroud in gauzy words, only hinting at what lies deep~

We circle around eachother - the seeker and the sought~

Someone views me and I wonder why they don't speak~

I view another and enjoy the view, but decide they wouldn't be interested~

It is a dance in which we all willingly participate~

Frustrating~
but titillatingly so~

Desperate Dating Behavior Scares Me!

Here's a funny and pretty accurate picture (from a guy's perspective) about what makes for a scary new date~

Girls - read this and keep it in check! If you find yourself doing any of these behaviors, you are focusing waaaaaayyyy too much on that new guy and not enough on other things~

Dating Humor: Are you a "bunny boiler." Has your fatal attraction scared your new hottie away? Here are the Top 11 complaints real-life daters have about desperate dating behaviors. So knock it off!From ReaniMate Dating Humor, based on real experiences in Minneapolis and St. Paul.

read more | digg story

How to be the perfect Girlfriend

I found this tongue in cheek video produced in the UK on how to be the perfect girlfriend.


Enjoy!

How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend

Buck Fuddies~

So what's a girl to do when the right guy just isn't coming along?

I've met a number of guys out there who would be great dating/partner material. For one reason or another, they just aren't available. Whether they're still not over their last relationship or marriage, whether they're not looking for anything long-term, whether there is just a significant age difference - something is not aligned and we don't match up in what we're looking for.

At the same time, we have a lot in common, enjoy one another's company, and feel physical chemistry.

So, what's a girl to do?

I get calls from these guys from time to time, wondering if I'd like to spend time together. They aren't suggesting dinner and a movie. What they want to do is to come over, chat a little and then hop into bed.

Admittedly, from time to time, I am in the same mood and I've accepted the offer.



Here's the rub, it just plain stinks to have them get up and leave and to wake up alone. I feel worse the next day than if I had spent the night before alone. For me, a physical connection is so much more intense if the person I'm with is someone I can build an emotional connection with as well as a physical connection.

I know what I'm looking for - I just don't have it available to me right now.

More and more lately, I'm turning down the offer when I get those calls. It's a costs/benefits thing - the benefits are fun, but they are so short lived! The cost of feeling more lonely afterwards just isn't worth it as much. I wonder if I"m alone in this. The fantasy of casual sex is so much more fun when it's just a fantasy. The reality is a little empty.

When you care enough...............

Crawling through some sites on the web,I found this site that Slate Magazine had posted about.

Inspot.org will send an anonymous e-postcard to anyone you specify to let them know they should be checked for an STD. Some postcards are specific about what should be screened for and others are more general.

I hope I never receive one of these - but I'm glad the service exists!

Just a reminder to play safe!

E-discord - an exercise in dating futility

My entre' into the world of online dating happened by chance. I received an email from the eharmony site offering a free personality profile. Being the curious person that I am, and the huge procrastinator that I am, I willingly clicked on the profile and clicked away happily at the multiple choice questions. I'm sure there are millions of you out there who have done the same thing. Once I got the personality profile I was pleasantly surprised by its accuracy.

Next, I was presented with a page of attributes and was told to click on things that I couldn't live with and things I couldn't live without. Again, I clicked away, enjoying this exercise in clarification of my desired partner. I should have known I was in trouble when I clicked on the "FINISH" button and received the following message:

"We see you have checked more than 30 selections. Please limit your selections to just 10 Must Haves and 10 Don't Wants."

My first reaction was to laugh out loud. Not just "lol" but really, laugh out loud so hard that the dog turned her head to see what was going on. It struck me - Oooooooh - that's what the problem is! I just want too much! Obviously, expecting that someone not lie, cheat, steal, and that they brush their teeth, bathe, and be affectionate was sufficient. If I wanted to require that they also not be a racist or that they have a place to live I was simply asking too much! I mean, we're not talking subtleties here folks; I wasn't requiring that they be a member of Greenpeace, or that they support a particular political candidate. I wasn't even requiring that they be romantic, or creative, or intelligent at this stage - it was the rock bottom basics!

So, at this point, I decided that this was not going to be a site that worked for me and I hit the cancel button. Much to my dismay, when I went back to my email, there was a list of my "matches" waiting for me. Naively, I opened this email. Wrong, wrong, wrong! OF COURSE, there were several people who seemed interesting. OF COURSE, I clicked on one of their pictures to find out more. That's where they get you. If I wanted to see any more information, I had to pay. Suffice it to say curiosity killed this cat and I have now been subjected to "match" after "match" who is nothing like the person I'd like to meet.

The first e-discord match that I decided to converse with was polite and we seemed to have some common interests. I wasn't hearing violins, but after emailing for a bit, we decided to meet. It was around the holidays and with schedules that didn't mesh, etc., we set a date for a week or so later. A few days before the scheduled coffee date, I received an email.

Now, here's where you need to know a little more about me. I'm an active person, in the good weather, I run, bicycle, play soccer, hike and camp. In the winter, add in winter hiking and recently snowboarding. I like being outdoors and I specifically stated in my profile that I was looking for someone who would join me for one or more of these activities.

So, back to this email. This is where the date-to-be let me know that "this was the tough part of online dating....." He had to let me know, so that I wouldn't be completely shocked when we met in person, that he was in a wheelchair. Now, I've told this story to my friends and some laugh out loud and get the irony of the situation right away. Others say that I was being narrow minded and I should have given him a chance and that perhaps he could participate in some of the activities I liked with adaptive equipment, etc.

I thought long and hard about this when it happened and this is how I feel about it. If this guy had been honest in his profile and had stated up front that he was in a wheelchair but was very active with adaptive skiing, murderball, what have you I might actually have met him. I just want someone who is interested in being physically active. This guy didn't mention that at all and, in fact, showed pictures that hid the fact that he was in a wheelchair. He conversed with me for a couple of weeks by email before disclosing that he was in a wheelchair.

I felt like I had been lied to, purposefully deceived and that was no way to start a connection of any kind, let alone a romantic relationship. He did relay that it was difficult for him to meet women who would be open to him and who could see beyond his chair. You know what - I get that - I really do. As I said to him, though, by assuming that no one would see beyond his chair, he lost out on meeting someone who might.

So, that's my eharmony story. There are more, like the chiropractor who specified that he was highly allergic to cats. I didn't initiate communication with him and he sent an email nudging me to talk. The way eharmony is set up, though, is that you have to choose from pre-formatted questions for the first two emails you send, and the person your communicating with has to do the same. So, it was a volley of emails before I could write my own thoughts and ask him if there was any "give" on this cat issue - could we establish a "cat free" rule for some rooms in the house, etc. No way, this guy would have to live on an inhaler in order to date me!

I've was bombarded with a ton of men at the upper limits of my age requirements who were clearly very out of shape and shared no similar interests. After a few weeks, the number of potential dates dwindled and at this point, I receive one "match" a month if I'm lucky. Being the frugal person (ok, poor grad student) that I am, I'm hooked into this site for a number of months to come, because that was the cheapest way to go. It's laughable how popular this site is and how many horror stories I've heard about it! A fellow grad student did her thesis on online dating and liked my stories so much she used them to illustrate some of her points about what she had found.

I'm sure there are eharmony success stories out there, but I am clearly NOT one of them!

Creative Profiles~

Hey! just got out of prison ladies and lookin to score "BIG TIME!" I have no sense of humor and I am short, fat, bald, and really ugly.

My personality sucks and I have an unidentifiable odor about me. My dinner conversations are less than desirable and you better wear a nose plug (afore mentioned odor) and my cooking sucks. I think the lunch meat is old, but the pickles are good though they are well preserved.

I do not like anything romantic, I hate travel, candlelit dinners, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing, yuck.
My kids are not a problem, all ten of them are in juvie hall not expected out anytime soon. Their mothers are still trying to collect child support, but all the drugs I've done really messes up the genetic testing.(lucky for me) I have lots of great relatives, as a matter of fact there is this little town in the middle of nowhere and we are all related. Cool huh? I have no $ either hope social security is not a problem???




Well as far as my ideal match? Must bathe once a month whether they need it or not. Teeth are optional, and lots of hair is desirable especially if it protrudes from the ears and nose.
There was this Doctor in the psych ward and she had a mustache, got me real hot!

Please send a picture so I can make sure you are not related to me, come to find out my last girlfriend was my cousin and that did not work out very well.Dating may get complicated because I'm still on house arrest, and all my outside time must be spent with my parole officer.Hey! maybe we could double date if you have any friends, and if it doesn't work out between us, I could ask her out to boot!
And the best part? If you respond to this add I will ask for your phone number and send you a picture of my "Junk" as soon as possible!!!

What "I AM" looking for in a woman is someone who can look through that line of BS, and see it for what it really is ,just an attempt to stand out in this crowd of endless blah, blah, blah,...I'm no way like that guy , but I am cute,(so i'm told) smart and funny. Give a wicked massage, and am also a very good listener. I would love to hear from you soon.

A first date would include, (but may not be limited to); embarrassing you in public,..... i.e. loud noises (flatulance, belching, snorting, sneezing , coughing without covering my mouth)

Public displays of affection (which may or may not include);.... holding hands, kissing/french kissing ,groping, fondling, exchanging bodily fluids, talk of sex, thinking of sex, checking out the girl in the next booth/dreaming of sex.

Act now this is a limited time offer. Offer is only good in the continental United States and Virgin Islands (he he he ,.I said Virgin) Offer may not be combined with any coupons or rebates.
Any resemblance of this add to any previous dates or mishaps is purely coincidental. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and hide my true identity from future ex-wives and paternity testing.

This is a profile that I found recently on an online dating site. The author was very good natured about letting me post it - I agreed to keep his identity safe, but if any of you ladies in the CT area are interested, I'd be happy to pass your info. along.

Cheap Dates

Click for more graphics at Soge Shirts



A friend called me about an interesting scenario last night~

He relayed that a friend of his had met a great girl recently and they had a great date. They even kissed halfway through! Go Cupid!

Things were moving along swimmingly until the guy asked the server if coupons were accepted (he had a coupon for a free desert).

The girl agreed to another date but called two days later to cancel and specifically mentioned the coupon thing as the reason. The guys were dismayed that this girl would be so judgmental as to cancel a date with someone that she clearly liked over the use of a coupon.

The way it was handled seemed harsh to me, but I could also understand where this girl was coming from - at least to a degree. I figure a first real date, beyond your basic meet and greet over a cup of coffee, is the time when you want to impress the person you're with. If someone is using a coupon on the first date they either a) don't have a job or b) are just going to get more and more stingy as time goes on. Neither one of those scenarios bodes well for a long-term connection (at least for me).

Where do you stand on this? How long do you have to be dating before using a coupon at a restaurant would be ok?

Proper Dating Grammer - use of the "fbomb"

I have to credit my friend Lisa for sending this along~

What's a day without some humor?

Swinging - "In the Life"

Swinging; wife swapping, "in the life" - all euphemisms for couples having multiple sexual encounters with others (usually strangers). It seems I lead an interesting life~

Swinging is another aspect of dating/sexuality that I've learned about since starting online dating. Different from being poly, people who swing aren't looking to form long-term emotional connections with people; they're looking for sexual adventure and exploration. (At least that's how I understand it - if I'm wrong, please correct me).

I've met and talked to people who are involved with swinging now or who have been in the past. One of the interesting things I just learned is that swinging clubs or parties will not allow single men to join or participate, but single women are allowed - vedddy interesting!

I've heard stories about how swinging has led to divorces because of different expectations and agendas, but I don't know if that's an unusual occurrence or the norm.

I found this video on youtube - a Nightline special on the multi-million dollar business of swinging. Be warned, there are some flashes of nudity. I was blown away by how much $$ is being made catering to the swinging crowd! (as an aside, I also wondered about hygiene and how often sheets are changed on the "outdoor lovebeds"at these events, but I don't want to be a buzz kill.)





Here's a trailer for another VH1 documentary about swinging - focused more on married women wanting their first bisexual experience (thanks to my favorite documentary and movie aficionado Pete aka I Like Being Tragic).




Finally, here's link to a trailer for a movie that explores "wife swapping" between two couples who are neighbors and friends. I haven't seen it, but the trailer is pretty intense and I'll probably rent it just to see what happens.

We Don't Live Here Anymore

As an aside, for my fellow cyber-daters out there - in my research about swinging and the poly lifestyle I learned that OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, two of the free online dating sites are known for being sites where people interested in these lifestyles can meet.

Bisexuality - what's in a name?

There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. (more on that in a bit)

Some people have asked me why I chose to label myself as "straight" in my dating profiles when I dated women for a number of years between being married and now (when I'm dating men again).

Given the choice, I'd prefer not to have to chose a label at all. With the way the dating websites work, though, my profile might not be displayed if I chose no label. So, I'm faced with choosing between two labels.

Right now, I choose "straight" but I share my history of dating women the first time I meet someone face to face. If I decide to meet someone in person they've already shown a certain level of open-mindedness and I'm pretty sure going into the meeting that they aren't going to have a strong reaction to it. So far I've only had one person react negatively and even that was mild. "I didn't want to date him anyway", this fox decided.

I choose not to use the "bi" label because there are certain assumptions that go along with that. I've decided to date men exclusively - at least for now. There's a possibility that I'll want to date women again sometime in the future - but I don't see myself wanting to date men and women simultaneously - it's kind of like mixing chocolate and vanilla ice cream - I like to keep them separate, savor each for their own unique, um........tastes. Somehow, though, people assume that if someone is bisexual they're hypersexual and want to sleep with anything with two legs.

The other issue that comes up with the bi label is the fear that bisexuality leads to lower ethical standards and a greater propensity for cheating. I have to say that lesbians are way more concerned about that than men, but I am still frequently asked about it by the men I know.

One of the unexpected reactions I've had to sharing my history of dating women is men's greater comfort in discussing their sexual histories and fantasies. It's been great and I've had some incredibly interesting conversations that I know I never had when I had dated men before.

There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. I say, go for it! Who cares? You only go through this life once! Who's going to judge you? Do you think some higher moral authority really cares about whose body you chose to touch when there are wars and genocide going on in the world? Honestly - you're just not that important in the bigger scheme of things - enjoy your life, try something new - at the very least, you'll have a good story to tell in the nursing home! Who knows, it might even be a turn-on for the little old lady sitting next to you some day!

Number two

Just in case you're worried, this is not going to be a blog about fecal matter. If you're interested in that kind of thing, or if you like humor in general, I suggest you check out my friend Fitz's blog Toilet Scribble. I check in on it at least once a day and he's always saying something that makes me laugh or shake my head in wonder. I'm really not sure how he comes up with some of the things that flow from his brain out through his fingers.

No, this is actually about dating - specifically, dating in the modern era when half of first marriages end in divorce. Inevitably, if you're over thirty and you're in the world of dating, you're going to date someone who is divorced.

That presents all sorts of challenges. If there are kids involved, the complications grow exponentially. One of the problems that I've come across is what happens if the person you're spending time with hasn't resolved the "hurts" they carry with them from their divorce.

I've found this to be true during disagreements. All of a sudden, I've realized I'm not just having a disagreement with the person across from me, but I'm arguing with their ex. and their' ex.'s communication patterns and all of the built up hurts and unresolved conflicts that my date has brought with them.

I don't have the answer for this - I guess you could have a rule not to date anyone who has been divorced. Or, you could require your dates to have gone XX amount of years since their divorce. Inevitably, though, I think this stuff is going to come up and will need to be slogged through, or not, depending upon your level of investment.

This came up for me recently and as I was on my way into campus today, my Joe Jackson cd came up in my changer. I thought this song was especially fitting. Let me know what you think about this topic, I'm looking for feedback.

Six Words~

Leave a comment with your six words!

Single vs. Available - Poly vs. Cheating

"You seem like a nice woman, someone I'd like to meet. Just confirm that you know that I am married but OK to play."

So, this was the response I received to an email I sent someone on a dating site. No where on the person's profile did it mention that they were "poly" or married. When I asked about it, this was the explanation:

"You are right, it wasn't listed on my profile so I went back and added it in. I think you will know if someone might be married based on their status at the top of the page...it is says single then they are not married, but if it says 'available' then I guess they might be married like me."

Ah, the old "available" trick - I hadn't seen it.

It turns out, we had some things in common and met for a drink and will likely be activity buds. I don't play well in the sandbox with others, so the poly thing clearly isn't for me, but I'm a naturally curious person and I had some questions. My new friend was happy to explain how the poly thing works for them. Both he and his wife are able to find other "friends" to spend time with. Their approach is for each to find one other person with whom they form a long-term connection. They talk openly about their contacts with that other person. He says it doesn't cause jealousy and it enhances their sex life.

Now, I find this hard to believe. I'll admit it - being in a poly relationship would turn me into an anxious, jealous quivering blob of jello. I don't get jealous if the person I'm with talks to someone else, and I'm fine with taking a date to a party and mingling freely about without each other. I have a lot of interests and friends and I would hope the person I'm with has their own interests and friends as well. I don't expect we will spend every minute of every day with each other. On the other hand, if I knew they were flirting with and sleeping with someone else, I would be totally freaked. Call me immature, it's just how I'm wired.

This new activity bud was up front about his life and what he was looking for and I appreciate that. It allowed me to tell him what I was looking for and it opened up the chance for a friendship.

I had a different experience a few months back. I was contacted by someone on a social networking site. The person seemed incredibly creative, talented and interesting. We shared some common interests and exchanged emails for a while. Eventually, we began to chat. Quickly after we began chatting my leetle friend kazoo was sitting on my shoulder and telling me things didn't seem quite right. I asked some questions about where this person lived and whether they lived alone, etc. and it seemed that was always when they had to get off. Quickly, I pushed them on this info. and the truth came out.

He called himself "poly" but his wife and young child didn't know about his outside interests. Or, rather, his wife knew that he wanted to be "poly" and didn't agree with it, so they didn't discuss it anymore. He decided to pursue outside connections anyway. I asked how this was different from cheating and he didn't have a good answer. To me, it was a way of rationalizing infidelity, not "poly" at all.

It's a strange world we live in. I've met others who have said that leading a poly or swinging lifestyle (to be discussed tomorrow) led to the breakdown of their relationships or marriages. Others swear that being poly or swinging has allowed them to stay married for much longer than they ever would have. I have another friend who has stayed married "for the kids" and is only intimate with his wife a few times a month. He suspects she may have other outside interests, but hasn't asked.

If nothing else, it has been reinforced that my beliefs and ideas about how the world "should" operate work for me and maybe some others - but they don't work for everyone. There are so many other "lifestyles" out there that seem to work for people.

So, why is it that Fred Phelps is so worked up about gay and lesbian marriages. Why are they such a threat to society so much more than polyamory, or swinging, or marriages of convenience?

Here's a humorous video about the world of poly relationships (not for the prudish!) Enjoy!

http://www.goodiebag.tv.episodes/polly_wally.htmf

How much do looks matter?

Recently, I've been struck by a couple of people who had torso-only shots on their profiles. Normally, I wouldn't pay much attention to these having heard the stories of friends about surprises they had experienced on meet-ups. However, these two profiles were extremely well written.
'"
The authors came across as intelligent, passionate and in touch with their emotions. Neither of them mentioned anything about sex, nascar, poker, or cigars and neither of them referred to wanting to "find a nice gal" or "lady" They didn't have any extreme religious or political ideals and they weren't poly, or in open marriages. They came across as genuinely nice people with similar interests to me. So, against my better judgement, I contacted them.

After some preliminary communication, I was able to see one via IM (btw - webcam on IM is a very strange thing indeed, and I think it ought to be avoided in general, but especially for the first "conversation" with someone). The other sent along a picture.

To say that there was no physical attraction is being kind. One of them looked like my father, balding, but with the shiny halo look on top with a fringe of hair - the other, much heavier and more hirsute than I could have guessed from the initially posted "art shots" on his profile.

I was forced to grapple with my own values and question what I was really looking for in a mate. I've had to accept that looks are a part of the formula for me. They aren't the only thing, but they do matter. I've been surprised to learn that I am actually attracted to men who are completely bald or who shave their hair very close or completely. However, that attraction can't overshadow someone who is overweight or who can't construct a sentence using proper grammar and spell-check. In these instances, the positive personality qualities and similar interests of these guys couldn't outweigh the lack of basic physical chemistry.

The next dilemma was how I was going to gracefully back away from these encounters without feeling like a schmuck. I've viewed this on-line dating experience as an opportunity to work on communication skills (among other things). So, in each instance, I emailed the person and let them know that I didn't feel there was any chemistry for me. I haven't heard back - no surprise. Of course, I felt bad, as I am sure they did.

I've been left pondering this thing called attraction and how it fits into mate selection. What is it that draws us to another person initially and then keeps us interested. Is it truly possible to find someone through an on-line profile?
What do you think?

Here are some on-line articles that I found interesting on these subjects. The first talks about the science of physical attraction and the second, the different behaviors that men and women use to attract a mate. Enjoy!

Men's and Women's Attraction Techniques
The Rules of Attraction in the Game of Love

How much does physical attraction matter to you when choosing a potential mate?

Not at all	0 (0%)
A little - other things matter more	4 (25%)
It has to be a package deal	12 (75%)
Looks come first, everything else follows	0 (0%)

Votes so far: 16


Poll closed

Male Hygiene -or maintaining the putting green

So, in this world of dating I've observed a trend in male hygiene that is new to me. I'll admit, it's been quite some time since I was last out in the world of dating men, so this may not be a new trend at all - just new to me.

I've met a number of men who take care to trim things up "down there" to make for a more pleasant experience should anyone want to get a closer inspection or provide a little tlc. This isn't just one person, but I've met at least 4-5 guys in the past few months who have said that they do this. Now, don't go assuming I've slept with all of them - I've been curious about it and I'm fairly open about asking these things and most guys don't have any qualms about talking about it.

They aren't just trimming the "rough" but are making sure the equipment is good to go as well. I am in no way complaining and I commend these guys for paying attention. I don't care if it could construed as self-serving toward the end of enticing someone to show a little love - the truth is, it does make for a much more pleasant experience and I, at least, appreciate it. One could even say a woman would be encouraged to practice and improve her - er - "short game" if the putting green were maintained this nicely

Women have been trimming and waxing for years - they realized the benefits of this a long time ago.

What I'm wondering is when this practice started with the guys and if it just happens to be the guys I have met, or if this is a broader trend. Is this a new "metro-sexual" thing or are construction workers and plumbers doing it to? Also, what kind of razor are you all using? Is this something that's done with an electric trimmer so as to get close but not too close, or are you actually using a regular Schick down there??? YIKES - the thought of that scares me and I don't even own the equipment!

I'm looking for some feedback on this - I truly am curious.

Oh, one thing I have learned, if a guy has just trimmed and accidentally starts to put a spermicidal condom on inside out the results are NOT pretty!

Do you trim or shave the netherlands?

Woman - Yes	4 (20%)
Woman - No	2 (10%)
Man - Yes	8 (40%)
Man - No	6 (30%)

Votes so far: 20


Poll closed

True character always shines through!

This was the response I received from the author of a series of 50 questiions when I let him know I appreciated his survey and posted it on one of my online profiles on a social networking site which shall remain nameless. Sigh. Only proves the point about the way people treat one another when they are hidden behind the shield of anonymity.

So, to be fair, I will credit the survey in my previous blog and the email below to it's rightful author (despite his lack of knowledge about copyright and public domains).

Knightlight4u - profile can be found on plentyoffish.com. I'm sure that once you see the email below, you will certainly be prompted to contact him for a date :-)

And, as he has now blocked me, I was unable to send him an email of sincere apologies. Please pass them along on my behalf.

"It is not only copyright infringement to take the works of others without their permission but it also shows you have absolutely no manners or morals whatsoever to not even have the decency to request to use my work before you steal it for your own selfish purposes. If you had even one shred of decency you would be ashamed of yourself and your sleazy behavior and immediately remove "my work" from anything to do with you. Please never contact me again. I have reported your sleazy behavior to Plentyoffish in an attempt to save others from having to suffer from your scummy antics."

Personal email received by this author on 4/1308 from Knightlight4u on the Plentyoffish.com dating

website

Imagined Chat~

This was shamelessly lifted from the online journal of a fellow blogger. I think he lifted it from another source, and so it goes. Please check out his blog which is equally as funny and irreverent as this online "chat".

http://www.toiletscribble.com/


Enjoy!


Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of
barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

The saddest profile I've ever seen - someone thrown this guy a - eh - bone!

My self-summary:

When I'm really interested in someone, I'm totally devoted and completely committed, even if the other person isn't as interested. I strongly believe that two-way communication is vital to keeping a relationship together. If only one person is doing all the work to form or keep the relationship together, it's not really a healthy relationship. In fact, it may not even be a relationship at all to the person not doing the work. If this is me and you and I'm the one doing all the work, I'll eventually get tired of it, but I have remarkable staying power. Sometimes you just have to say "Goodbye, Lee" and never talk to me again to get me to stop.

What I'm doing with my life:

I still make music for a living and am still able to live on my own in Miami from just that income.

20070513UPDATE: I'm going to be waiting tables for a while to take care of a stupid financial mistake I made a year ago. The music still pays all my basic bills, but this emergency required me to do something else.

20070802UPDATE: I am working on a startup business that sells handcrafted luxury bath and body supplies to the hospitality industry. So many details to get started. Message me about it and I'll tell you more.

20070827UPDATE: Well, no one emailed me, so I know how much people read and care about this profile. I must be a masochist to keep coming here and finding out that the only emails in my mailbox are from the PeanutLabs people telling me there's a new survey available.

20080229UPDATE: Very few emails except for the PeanutLabs ones. Oh well. Back to the dunking booth.

20080406UPDATE: I'm annoyed by the PeanutLabs mails. Almost no other emails otherwise. *sigh*

What I'm good at:

I'm also good at finding people who just ignore me period and don't have the simple human decency to tell me "Thank you I'm flattered, but I'm not interested--even in being friends." If you choose to ignore me, then you're in very, very good company.

I'm also good at being bitter.

My favorite things:

These four things are about all I have to keep me company. I'm lucky I'm a good cook, so I can treat myself to good healthy meals (although after a while you wonder if there's really a point to it all--and there is: ice cream and chocolate binges). I'm a old movie buff, and also love animation, but I prefer old time radio shows. I enjoy jazz and classical music, and I love reading nonfiction, trivia books and "how to" books and cookbooks.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

lots of things, but I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear about them. How do I know this? Because I think aloud a lot of the time, and I get told often to shut up.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit:

In a little under a year, I'll be a real living 40-year old virgin (there is no typo or misprint, you did read that correctly), which seems to scare many people away. They just assume something must be wrong with me if I couldn't get laid by now. Heck, I was a strip club DJ for 3 years and I still couldn't get laid. How pathetic is that?

First impressions - what are they thinking!!!

All quotes unabashedly lifted from on-line profiles currently being highlighted on a popular on-line dating site (all spelling errors directly attributed to the original authors).





• I'm too lazy to write this stuff all over again. Please check out my nick (xxxxx) at xxxxxdotcom




• I am a professional juggler, but really more into writing now. I will probably get seriously back into juggling very soon. I am insanely addicted to Indie music. I love Indie music, I will talk incessantly about it if you let me. I will burn cd's for you




• ExHorse Jockey, which means that I am short in statur but "Not Little" :-)




• I would love to fall in love. However, I will settle for a date right now. I like to spend lots of time observing nature whether that is birds or dragonflies or whatever comes my way. Bears are always fun………I am a nice guy who maybe is not the most exciting person in the world except in a few areas. That last statement is a hint in a number of ways. ……..At least I have hair and it is not gray yet……… Just a warning, I am going to spend a lot of time in the woods and not at church or the mall. Yes, I am an atheist.





• I am a clinitian and have many degrees from higher learning I enjoy my work and will continue in the health field. I would like someone who is intelligent, preferably professional, and is up for dinning and dating.I am married and do not want the lawyers to get 1/3rd of my property values. Therefore I am looking for a relationship that is discreet to protect me and not to upset the household. I am looking for the right one and therefore I am in no hurry.




• We could live without war. That might entail giving up differences of power, wealth, fixed roles, access to necessities, belief systems, prestige ... but also might allow a flourishing of other kinds of differences. A friend suggests that this could come about through conversation. I write, paint, draw, sculpt, compose, play, act, direct, listen, teach, organize with such thoughts in mind. That's my work. I'm in a committed long-distance couple relationship, emotionally poly, and alternate irregularly between living in NYC and Urbana, IL.




• I've loved, I've lost, been married twice ( LONG story folks!! ) I'm experienced in life, well versed, went thru 4 years of college, many trade schools and have much education under my belt....From Music business Management to Web design to Security Guard to Fire safety Director and more..
Currently regaining my career and life after many years ( 2001 ).

I keep in touch with friends via my Yahoo, Myspace and Facebook accounts because my friends are all over the place....Also, my musical contacts as well.

Dele Cares - I wish he didn't care so much!

We've all received these scary computer generated emails but sometimes they are so hilarious, they just need to be shared!

Hello,
My name is Dele Owen, i live atWilton CT. I stumbled on your profile and i found it very interesting.The way you describe your personality fits the kind of woman i want in my Life.I have been hurt a bit of times.I had a terrible divorce 3yrs ago but now i want to put my past behind me,now i want to build and start a strong and long lasting relationship with a good,kind,honest,faithful and loving woman.I have a lot to offer in a relationship both emotionally,physically and materially.I’m from a little paradise country egypt . But i have lived in CT for 20 years now , but right now am in Africa for this job .But i do shuttle around United states,U.k,Europe , Australia, and Africa.I’m a Civil Engineer by profession .My job makes me travel a lot at times cos i get different Building Contracts from Individuals Abroad.I’m in Africa Nigeria at the moment.I have been here for the past 2months on a Road Construction And some Eastate Building .My job here almost over in a few weeks time.I would like to start up an email and phone conversation with you.So we could get to know more about each other.I’m ready to come visit you in any location.Dear all i want is Love and Commitment.I could be the perfect man you need in your life.I have been lonely for long,i want that to end soon..I belief so much in kindness and helping of the needy.
Am kind of new in this online thing But i think i like you and i will like to know you. cus you are the only woman i have e mail on the internet dating site and am planing to relocate to you area. and i will like to meet you inperson. all this days i have not find a woman of my own tast and now that i found you i will be glad if you respond to my message. Tell me if you are intrested or not. But i will be much more happy if you can accept to know each other cus i don’t know when am gonna find a woman like you ever again.I think this letter is getting too long for an Introduction.I will stop here for now and hope to here from you soonest.Thanks.here is my e mail owen_dele@yahoo.com and i will be so much happy if we can exchange e mail address over here so we can mail each over on our private e mail address. hope to hear from you soon bye
Dele Care’s

T.D.H.

Some guys would get more dates if only they could hold it together long enough to make it through an IM chat without letting their true nature shine through!
girl: hi there - what does t.d.h. mean?

guy: tall, dark and handsome

girl: oh

girl: well your profile looks too good to be true, what’s the catch?

guy: catch?

guy: no catch?

girl: just teasing.....

guy: I’m the catch

guy: me

girl: how long have you been single?

guy: seven years

guy: guess my profile is so good that is scares all of the women away

girl: LOL!

girl: It’s a crazy world

guy: it pisses me off!
guy: I’ve been on this site for over a year and haven’t had one good date off of it!
guy: every scumbag out there has someone

girl: wow, that’s pretty harsh

guy: sorry for my angst

girl: (tactfully trying to disengage) so, I need to head to bed, but maybe we could email a bit?

guy: ok, good night

IM's - Cougar Hunting

There's always some young guy thinking he can charm a desperate older woman~

21 y.o. guy: are all of the requirements on your profile mandatory?

42 y.o. woman: YES! LOL!

guy: oh, I meet all of them except 1

woman: well, I have a 19 y.o. daughter, it would be a little weird for me to be sleeping with someone who was only 2 years older than her

guy: is that the only reason

woman: no! I can’t imagine a 21 y.o. guy wanting to develop a committed long-term relationship with a 42 y.o. woman and that’s what I’m looking for

woman: nor should they! LOL!

guy: don’t talk to me like that - like I’m 21 - I have been through more at my age than most 40 year olds. im more mature and experienced and better in bed that any man twice my age

woman: (attempting buddhist tactics) ok, I’m sorry I offended you; I didn’t meant to be condescending

guy: well, has any guy ever said that before?

woman: what?

guy: that they’re better in bed than other men?

woman: MANY!
woman: MANY!

guy: have you ever passed out before

woman: no
woman: why would I want to?

guy: well I’m just saying that most guys aren’t interested in a woman and I"m so interested I keep going

guy: even in emotional times

woman: ok
woman: well, it isn’t a contest

guy: well, I’m just saying, in case you think there are guys out there that aren’t interested

woman: no, I know that

guy: good

woman: ok, well, I need to go~

Venus/Mars or completely different solar systems?

Names changed to protect the innocent ☺

Girl: Nice picture - what would your profile say?

Guy: It would say I am fun, spontaneous, sexy, smart and creative. I sometimes drive bt Hartford on the way to Springfield. See you there perhaps?:-)

Girl: Yes, you should let me know when you’re driving through Hartford - but, what’s in Springfield??? II also head into the city from time to time; I’ll let you know when I’m heading in. How much do you ride? I’m getting ready to get my bike out on the road - finally!!!

Guy: Fair enough. Enjoy the bike ride and I’ll take a run and we’ll be in great shape when we meet.

Girl: So, I’m curious~

I’ve seen a number of profiles with just pictuers and no text - do you think you’re less likely or more likely to get visits and contacts with that approach? I think it would make a great social experiment. I have my guesses about the results, but I’m interested in what your experience has been.

Guy: I’m guessing people don’t take this site seriously--I certainly don’t. It’s all about spontaneous fun for me. If it happens, great. If not, well, c’est la vie. Or maybe people are just trying to be mysterious:-)

Girl: Wow - if you don’t take this site seriously, you should check out xxxxxx! Jeez, is that site a hoot. I’ve been contacted by more crazy people than I knew existed!

Mystery is nice~

Guy: well beware the crazies:-) Mystery is nice--so is spontaneity and passion:-)

Girl: Agreed - like spontaneous trips to shows out of state, just for the fun of it~ will you be making an appearance?

Guy: I can’t--though xxxxx should be fun. Now if you were coming straight to my bedroom, I’d be impressed:-)

Girl: Damn~is it my pictures of is this just a guy thing? I can’t tell you how many times that’s the approach I’ve received!

I love sex but it’s just plain underwhelming to have sex with someone you barely know and with whom there’s no strong connection on some other level.

I’d meet you in New Paltz for a run or a bike ride and some good coffee~ I’m finding that good sex isn’t as rare as I thought it was and good conversation is nearly impossible to find~

Guy: Trust me, I’m not a typical man. And I disagree, good sex is hard to find--I mean, really good, memorable sex. And if we have sex, I promise to provide good pillow talk:-) Be bold.

Girl: Careful, you might end up on my myspace page dedicated to dating nightmares.......LOL!

I’m not just looking for pillow talk, silver tongue~

I’m looking for the real thing - someone who will be there the next weekend telling me they couldn’t stop thinking about me (not just sexually) and who will plan hikes and bike rides and who wants to cook dinner together. Someone who will remember my favorite wine and favorite flower. In return, I give the same, plus great massages, readily get up for your favorite drink if your glass is empty and play a decent game of pool. I can discuss anything from power tools to Nietzsche. All this, plus, I promise the sex is amazing and only gets better with time.

So, it is not I who needs to channel the intrepid warrier within~

You sound great--I need spontaneity first and the rest will follow. Tools to Nietzsche--Freud would have a heydey with that:-) I wish you luck on your quest. If you get bored or feel wild, write to me.