Dating Wall of Shame

WTF!

2008-07-18T08:00:00.006-04:00

Sometimes you jut need to hold, sip, ok chug, a cold drink and say WTF~

For those of you have been following my blog you'll remember that there's been a guy I've dated off & on who wasn't ready to date seriously because of the fall out from his divorce.

The last few times we've seen each other I know I've been clear in saying that I was interested in dating him more seriously whenever he was ready. His typical response was that he wasn't there yet, and didn't want to put anyone through hell while he worked through his shit.

Yesterday he called to say that he had started seeing someone seriously and then claimed not to be aware that I had been interested in something more serious.

WTF?

I followed the invite of my good friend Brian who takes a much more light-hearted view of the world than I do, and grabbed some drinks and went to hang out for a few hours looking at the moon and talking about anything else but what was on my mind. It didn't make it go away, but it sure didn't make it any worse!

Stalking or just flirting?

2008-07-16T22:53:00.004-04:00

Working in a specialty running store presents me with the opportunity to meet at least 50 people a day with whom I have at least one interest in common - running. Most of the time, I enjoy the encounter, provide excellent service, fit them with the right shoe and send them on their way.

Occasionally, as someone walks out the door, I want to follow behind, tugging on their shirt hem and beg them to take me with them. Either they're simply gorgeous and I could care less what they have to say just so long as I can stare at them for a little longer, or they've impressed me enough with their personality that I want to learn more. Of course, I will try to engage them in conversation as I'm helping with whatever it is they came in for - but there's just so much small talk you can make about wicking fabric, non-cotton socks, and custom vs. over the counter orthotics.

I worked for another store over the winter and they had clearly expressed prohibitions against "fraternizing" with customers or other employees. I have to admit it was much less distracting that way.

Recently this handsome, fit and distinguished doctor came into the store. At first we didn't have his shoe and had to order it for him. He came back yesterday to pick it up and I was secretly hoping it would be defective, or to find some other reason to draw him back again. He's leaving shortly for a year of public service in another country and I so badly want to send an email wishing him well on his trip and trying to lure him into having coffee before he leaves.

I imagine that he'd be charmed by my flirtation and would readily accept my invite. Then I come back to reality and realize that I'd appear like a stalker and would give him nightmares of being followed to South America by the running store weirdo!

I've was tracked down by in the past when I worked for a large state agency. I was charmed that the person had put so much energy into contacting me and it led to a four-year relationship. That's the positive, romantic side of the story. The ugly side is that she left for another woman and yet, every six months or so, she still tries to track me down to tell me she still loves me and hasn't forgotten about me. It's been five years and a number of email addresses later and recently she resorted to leaving flowers and a note on my doorstep. The woman is crazy and I should have seen that when she tracked me down at work nine years ago!

So, I won't email this guy, or anyone else that I cross paths with at the store - but that doesn't mean I can't fantasize about it. Maybe one day someone will be charmed enough by me to come back and ask for my # or my email address............one can only hope.

Go take a hike!

2008-07-14T21:26:00.006-04:00

Hi Everyone~

I'm back for my first post after a long drawn out adjustment to my move. Life has taken many twists and turns for me this past month - many positive ones but they're causing me to step back and reconsider my grad school undertakings and possibly move in a new direction. In turn, I may be reversing my recent move from my house into a small apartment. It's a bit unorthodox, but I'm trying to just go with it.

On the dating front, I have to say that things have not been so positive. So, I decided to give a nice guy a chance and boy, did he turn out to be a jerk! I'll be honest, the sex wasn't great from the beginning and I had my doubts about our compatability. He was a nice guy, though, and I decided to remain open to the possibility of passion growing.

As a reward, I was treated to two drawn out descriptions of how his mother would never accept anyone who was divorced, especially if they had a child. So, me, a divorced single parent for 16 years who formerly dated women clearly had no chance of meeting those expectations. Besides that, this man is 50 years old! If you're still trying to please your mother at 50, something is seriously wrong!

One of the interests we shared, though was hiking. Over the past couple of years, I've had a hard time finding anyone who has been interested in doing some serious hiking and backpacking with me. So, despite my doubts about this guy, I wasn't going to turn down an opportunity to do a 2.5 day backpacking trip on the Long Trail in Vermont.

Last week I had two consecutive days off for the first time since April. The backpacking trip was planned and off we went. After our arrival in VT, the first three hours went well. We hiked up Bromley and back down with packs and made great time. I lagged a little, but mostly, we stayed together on the trail and enjoyed eachother's company. If only the hike had ended there!

I spent the rest of that day and all of the next hiking alone, save for a "check-in" by my companion once an hour. We were carrying 50 lb packs and hiked two intense peaks and then a steep rocky, muddy and slippery downhill. My "companion" would stop an wait for me once an hour and then as soon as I would reach him, he'd stand up and start off again. I've done a bit of hiking and this has to be some of the roughest terrain I've encountered so far. In addition, I chose the wrong boots to wear and exacerbated a foot injury, so I hiked the last three hours in quite a bit of pain.

On the second day, I suggested that if this guy really wanted to cover a lot of miles at a quick pace, he shouldn't bother to wait for me once an hour and should just proceed ahead and wait for me at the end. He quipped back that he could use the rests that he was able to get as he waited for me to catch up!

Two days and 17 miles of hiking essentially by myself was not the way I had envisioned this trip to play out!

On the way home I tried to inquire about how this guy had hiked with others in the past. He complained that he had not found anyone that could keep up with him and how disappointed he was. He then patted my leg and told me that if I lost a few pounds I might be able to hike a bit faster!!!! If I wasn't so exhausted I would have hopped out right then!

Of course, I did not stay over when we reached his house and he accused me of finding an excuse for storming off. The next day he sent me an IM trying to justify his comment. This guy is completely clueless!!!!

I'll admit, I'd like to lose some weight. Ten pounds would be great and 20 would make me ecstatic! On the other hand, I dare anyone to find another 42 year old woman who can hike 17 miles in two days wearing a 50 lb pack and who doesn't complain or break down crying! I don't care what speed I completed the hike at - I completed it and still went for a run the next day!

Unbelievably, this guy has contacted me several times since we got back to try to get together! Finally last night I explained that the trip was a huge disappointment and that it just didn't give me the vibe that we were compatible. I'm not sure he really got it. Good luck and good riddance! I wish there was some way to warn the next woman before she gets sucked in by the initial "nice guy" facade!

Oh - one more thing - I have a terrible case of poison ivy (Pete - remember that movie??!) on my arms this week because of this guys dogs running around off the trail and all through the brush for the entire 17 miles. I love dogs - but this time, the hugs and love I gave them left me with an itchy reminder of this rotten hike!

It was great meeting you, but.......

2008-06-24T22:19:00.007-04:00

The past few days have been rough~

I've moved from a house to a tiny apartment, my dog has had her butt kicked in a fight and required a vet vist (with money I didn't have) and today I had one of those "thanks it was great, but I just didn't feel the spark" meet and greets.

I'm left feeling depleted financially and emotionally and completely at the bottom of the ego totem pole.

I walked into this coffee date feeling less than glamorous. I had to take my dog to the vet beforehand and traffic was bad, so I didn't have time to change from my casual shorts and tee into something a little nicer. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window earlier in the day and felt fat. So, the groundwork was there for a bad ego day.

I actually thought the conversation went well; we seemed to have a lot in common, we laughed and conversed for close to two hours. We parted agreeing to be in touch soon.

Being in touch consisted of an email letting me know that it was great meeting me, but that "spark" just wasn't there.

I know, I know - it's not about me. I've sent that email myself. Either the spark is there or it isn't. It sucks to be on the receiving end, though!

I think I've said this recently, but it deserves repeating - dating really stinks!

Stop Staring At My Nipples!

2008-06-19T09:30:00.004-04:00

So, here's my first attempt at a video rant~

It has very little to do with dating but it still needs to be said!

I know, I look terrible - I had just come in from a run!

What's your fetish?

2008-06-19T07:40:00.012-04:00

Here's a fetish I haven't come across in the online dating scene before - tickling.

I came across this profile:

" I want to meet women interested in tickling.I also love phone sex.I am always horney and looking for fun.I am very fit and consirded attractive.I would like to get to know anybody for some good raunchy fun.Tickling is my fetish,I love to tickle and to be tickled. " (He obviously didn't read my post about the use of spell-check in composing your dating persona!)

Later in the profile he mentions that he has a foot fetish as well.

I can honestly say I don't have a fetish. There are parts of the body I like to look at and there are sexual acts I enjoy, but none to the exclusion of anything else.

I'm not sure what I would do if I were to date someone who had a fetish that I wasn't into. A foot fetish probably wouldn't bother me - I don't mind having my feet touched so, as long as I got what I wanted, I'd say go for it. On the other hand, the tickling thing definitely wouldn't work for me. I was held down and tickled as a kid so I have a tickling aversion. The whole fecal focus wouldn't work for me either - I'm just not into it.

What other fetishes are out there? Where would you draw the line? What fetishes would you live with and which would cause you to give your date the heave ho?

Sex or Chocolate vs. Sex or Steak

2008-06-15T14:07:00.014-04:00

My friend Fitz over at Toilet Scribble recently asked his readers what they would prefer a juicy steak or sex. As predicted, the testosterone-driven responses poured in. Surprisingly, there were a few guys suggesting they might prefer the steak!

I decided to pose the question to my readers, but with a twist for the women.

If given the choice between sex and an amazing piece of chocolate (let's say, Godiva, or Gevalia or even chocolate cheesecake) - which would you choose.

Now, you can't have them together - of course, we'd all pick that!

I am not a bum, I'm just a jerk~

2008-06-13T09:51:00.010-04:00

Hey everyone~

I'm back from a short hiatus from posting. I've been caught up in emptying out my house and moving to a much smaller apartment. It's one of the sacrifices I'm making so I can continue to be a grad student~

So, I have to admit that I fell into a trap that I swore I wouldn't fall into. My friend Fitz regularly blogs about douchebags on his blog Toilet Scribble. So, I should know better and should be able to spot one a mile away. I have to admit, though, that I missed the signs and I was duped.

A while ago, I wrote about someone that I dated briefly who got pissed off at a joke that I made, and who, as a result, cut me off entirely - no explanation - just closed out the IM window and then didn't respond to a phone call or a text. That was as far as I pushed it. I will try to apologize, but I won't beg someone to forgive.

We went about three weeks without talking and after initially feeling bad about it, I realized I was much better off. If this is how a guy handles conflict, I'm not interested - right?

So, one night last week, at about 9, just as I was winding down, up popped an IM from the very same guy. I should have closed it........

I didn't - he apologized, said he didn't normally handle conflict that way, asked to please see me because he missed me, etc., etc.. I know, I know, we could all write the script for this! But, you guessed it, I fell for it! At the very least, I thought, make-up sex is always good!

We actually saw each other a couple of times. The sex was good, we enjoyed each other's company.

Now, POOF! Gone. I didn't even piss him off this time - that I know of! Just gone! So, this time I don't even care! I mean - WTF!

The sad thing is that right before the jerk re-contacted me, I had started dating someone who is a really nice guy, who genuinely seems to like me for me and who says sweet things, etc. With the reintroduction of the jerk, I was actually thinking that I liked the jerk better and maybe I should see if dating him exclusively had a chance!

What is it that we women have that pushes us toward picking the jerks over the nice guys????

One ticket or two?

2008-06-05T08:50:00.008-04:00

Remember the days when you had a huge group of friends around and there were always a million people who wanted to do anything you could think up?

Ok, perhaps I'm engaging in a bit of hyperbole, but when I was younger (i.e., when everyone else wasn't working or raising kids, etc.) people were always available for concerts, going out dancing, etc. These days, it's a chore just to find one person who can go out. Either they have to find a sitter, or they can't stay out late because they have a big meeting the next day, or they just have to get enough sleep!

I refuse to let life take over like that! If there's a show I want to see I'll deal with the consequences of lost sleep. I'll drink an extra cup of coffee so I can make it through the meeting!

The one thing I can't do is find someone else to go along for the adventure!

Several times recently, I've made the decision to buy a pair of tickets to shows that I wanted to see, counting on my ability to convince a friend or a date to join me. The first time, I was never able to find someone, and I decided not to go by myself. It was a couple of hours away and I just didn't feel like doing the drive home by myself.

Now, I have tickets to see REM next week. Can you believe that I can't find anyone to join me! It's REM - not an obscure band! It's even on a Friday night! Yes, I have to work the next day - I'm going to deal with being tired - no one else is available.

So, I'm either hanging with the wrong crowd or I'm listening to music that no one else likes - or maybe I smell? I'll change perfumes if you just ask! What's a girl to do when buying tickets for concerts? If I buy just one - I'm definitely going alone. If I buy two, I might still go alone and then feel bad because I lost the money on the second ticket. I don't have the answer but being single stinks~

It's a good day for sex~

2008-06-04T09:08:00.008-04:00

Today it was a grey, drizzly morning in the Northeast and I had the day off. All I wanted in my big cozy bed was another warm body to wake up to. I actually did have a friend text and offer to come over, but he's married and we all know where that leads.

Being the research geek that I am, I decided to find out how weather affects our sex drive. Unfortunately, scientists seem to have focused on red-tailed deer, bats, sheep and every other mammal other than humans. There is data about birth rates, but I didn't find any tying it back to actual weather.

So, I decided it was time for another poll. Which is the best weather for having sex. If you're like me, any weather is good weather for this particular activity - but try to narrow it down just a bit for the purposes of this poll.

Enjoy and happy rainy day if you're in the Northeast.

In love with my best friend~

2008-06-01T09:48:00.006-04:00

I'm in love with my best friend~

It's true and I know it has the potential to be unhealthy, but I have no desire to change it in any way.

My best friend is full of energy and is up for life's adventures at every turn. He's incredibly intelligent and witty and yet has that mix of healthy cynicism that leads us to cracking smart ass jokes and laughing out loud all of the time.

We spend time together easily - enjoying similar things, but each having different enough interests to spark great conversations and philosophical debates. I cook; he eats. I say I want to do something and he encourages me. We each burn out on life and people from time to time and the other is there to replenish the other's soul.

Despite all of this, we're in different places in our lives. He's younger and wants a family and kids. I've raised my daughter and would adopt, but it's not first on my list of things I'd love to do. He's still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. I am too, but I've accomplished enough to know that who I am matters more than what I do.

We haven't slept together - though that's more because of my friend's maintenance of boundaries, not for my lack of suggesting it. I'll admit it, I'd rather know if that works as well as everything else. Maybe the sex would suck and we could just let it go - but that remains an unanswered question.

We've talked about it - that "it" between us - and there is no good solution - so, we don't bring it up all that often. We spend time together and then we take a break. We hug good-bye and don't let the hugs linger too long. Most of the time, we simply say, good-bye, occasionally, "bye, I love you" is thrown in there.

We are each a part of the fabric of the other's life - a part that neither of us wants to lose. Right now, neither of us is dating anyone seriously, so there is no threat to our connection. We are each fiercely defensive of our friendships, though, so I suspect that a love interest would perhaps limit the time we'd spend together, but wouldn't really threaten our bond.

No one else has fit that list I have in my head of all of the qualities I'm looking for. No one, except my best friend.

And, so it goes~

The camera is out of focus~

2008-05-29T09:29:00.027-04:00

I understand that each dating site tries to distinguish itself from others and each has a "gimmick" that they use, or a different set of criteria that you can enter to select a potential date. I just think a number of the sites go too far!

A while back, OkCupid decided to hook up with a scientific matching company to find potential dates based on DNA. Apparently after a lot of negative feedback from users, they announced that they had nixed that idea. When I looked, though, there are a number of other dating sites, many in Europe, who are using this technology.

Read more about DNA matching and dating

Plenty of Fish just started displaying two new categories on user's profiles: "Smarts" and if the user owns a car! The "Smarts" categoryis filled in by a field where the user records their highest level of education! As a Master's student, I can attest that the amount of education a person has clearly does not equate to "smarts"! In fact, studies have shown that Ph.D.'s do NOT score higher on IQ tests - they only show a higher level of persistence! As for owning a car, what about the cities full of people who use public transportation and CHOSE not to own one! Talk about narrow-mindedness on the part of these website designers!

Match.com also has a bunch of wacky categories that you can complete to indicate what you would like or not like in a potential mate. So many of those things, though, are circumstantial. Take tattoos or piercings for instance. I happen to have a small tattoo that is not highly visible. I placed it in a spot that could be covered if I chose to. It's a part of my personal identify and I got it for me. I'm not covered in tattoos and everyone who has seen mine has complimented me on it. I don't have any piercings, but I know plenty of people who have one or two small piercings that are barely noticeable or are hidden by clothes. So, if a person indicates that they don't like tattoos or piercings - we, my friends and I, appear to be less desirable mates than those who indicate that they don't have tattoos or piercings! It's ridiculous that someone would make a judgment about dating someone based on that kind of singular answer.

Another item Match.com has in their criteria is whether or not you find thunderstorms to be a "turn-on" or a "turn-off". C'mon people! Are you really going to toss someone to the side because they hate thunderstorms!

What other craziness exists out there? I'm interesting in hearing from readers their experiences or observations of ridiculous selection criteria used by dating sites.

Photo courtesy of Deviant Art

It's just communication people!

2008-05-27T11:27:00.007-04:00

I was talking to a friend the other night and she relayed a story about how she had upset a date with a comment she made and instead of talking about it, the date picked up her things and walked out the door.

Just yesterday, I had a situation where I upset someone with a remark I make while IMing and instead of talking about it, the person said they had things to do and signed off.

Neither of these situations were about deeply personal beliefs or overtly sensitive topics and neither the comment my friend made, nor the one I made were ill-intentioned. However, the person on the receiving end was clearly upset and decided to walk away, rather than discuss the conflict.

I'm always a bit baffled when this kind of thing happens. I HATE conflict, but I'd rather come to some resolution than spend days feeling like I wasn't able to get my point across or that someone misunderstood me. Communication skills are at a premium these days and with electronic communication it is so much easier to misunderstand or be misunderstood.

So, I decided to post these communication tips figuring that any conflict, whether it's at work, or with a romantic partner, is resolvable if people just put some basic skills to use. There is also a great link in this article for another list of "common communication mistakes". As you might guess, one of those is avoiding communication altogether.

How To Communicate: Improve Your Relationships With Effective Communication Skills
From Elizabeth Scott, M.S.,
Your Guide to Stress Management.
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About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Steven Gans, MD
Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isn’t a problem; how it’s handled, however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance, or a springboard to a stronger relationship and happier future. Next time you’re dealing with conflict, keep these tips on effective communication skills in mind and you can create a more positive outcome.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Just a little extra time.
Here's How:

Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard. Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.

Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.

Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.

Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be happy with.

Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.
Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.

Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
Tips:

Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.
This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support one another.

Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.
Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict.
Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

American Woman~

2008-05-24T00:56:00.015-04:00

Five years ago, on Memorial Day weekend, my ex left for someone she had met just a few months before. I still have cards she wrote just a week before she left telling me how she was looking forward to spending our lives together. I keep them because occasionally someone asks me why I couldn't see it coming. I need proof to remind myself that I wasn't blind, I was just trusting - and that's not a bad thing.

I ran a marathon that year as a way to deal with getting through a few months - something to use as a goal to focus on. I've decided to run another marathon this year to commemorate the past five years and to put it behind me. I'm happy to say that when my ex occasionally contacts me (and she does every time she's single) I no longer feel that tug on my heart. I'll be moving soon out of the house that we shared and for the first time in five years she will have no way to contact me. Knowing that has given me a great sense of relief.

My friend Jacque just returned home from her first year in grad school to find out that her girlfriend had been cheating on her for most of the past year. Jacque had felt torn the whole time she was here in school feeling like maybe she had made the wrong decision to move so far away. Now she feels stupid for not knowing that her girlfriend was lying to her for a year. She's just beginning that journey that I am finishing.

Here's a little weekend music for Jacque and anyone else who lost someone in the same way~

Lenny Kravitz - American Woman

Christina Aguillera - Fighter

The Facebook vortex of hell~

2008-05-19T15:04:00.006-04:00

This isn't really about dating, but it is about cyberculture and the pitfalls of electronic communication~

I am a fairly tech savvy kind of girl - though I have been know to deny that when asked to help set up people's computers (its not my idea of a fun time)~

This weekend, I was caught in a vortex of Facebook hell that doesn't seem to have ended.

Let me preface this by saying that I started dabbling with Facebook because I'm a grad student and most of my grad colleagues were using it. Over time, I've connected with other friends and more recently, extended family members (its not just for the younguns anymore). So, currently, my former mother-in-law, sister-in-law and my daughter's cousins have been added as friends. It's one of those niceties, like waving at the neighbors as you walk or drive by. I don't really communicate with them by Facebook, but it would be rude not to accept a friend invite.

On the other end of the spectrum, my long standing friend and I are regularly in contact sending obnoxious videos back and forth, tasering eachother via superpoke, etc. (If you haven't been on Facebook, just know that it's an electronic way of smacking someone on the ass and saying "what up"!).

Last week, said friend, forwarded a European public service video about the importance of checking for testicular cancer. This video featured a sports team (I think soccer/football). All of the team members gather in the locker room and a doctor shows them, in great detail, with a team volunteer, how to check for testicular cancer, and then they all join in. It's not even funny except that it's bizarre to see a room full of guys with their towels open touching themselves.

So, of course, I felt the need to forward this to one or two select friends.

Somehow, Facebook has added a new feature which automatically selects everyone on your profile with a "Send to All" button as the default. If you only want to send to one or two people, you have to deselect everyone else. I didn't pay attention. Hence, this lovely video was swiftly sent forth to EVERYONE on my Facebook page - including the extended relatives listed above.

Being the guilt ridden Irish catholic girl that I am, I immediately sent out an apology to those that I knew might be offended.

Today, my former sister-in-law replied that she never received the video, but accepted my apology anyway. Why I didn't stop there, I'll never know and I will be questioning for some time to come!

I proceeded to send her an email describing the video in great detail and then facetiously commenting that I couldn't WAIT until her mother saw it and saw that I had sent it to the cousins! Click Send - and off that goes - TO EVERYONE that I had sent the previous apology to!!!!

Now, not only have I sent out an obnoxious video to some young men who are just barely in their teens, I have now insulted my former mother-in-law by email to those same cousins and a number of other people! Contrary to what you might expect, I really LIKE my former mother-in-law and she's been a great support to me over the years. I am not looking forward to the phone call that I have to make to explain all of this!

For your enjoyment, here is said video that caused these problems~

Partner Choice by facial qualities

2008-05-17T19:36:00.009-04:00

I found this interesting test on the BBC Science and Nature website that has you answer some questions regarding your personality and then rate a series of 20 pairs of faces.

You rate the faces on your preference (grading from only slightly preferring one over the other to strongly preferring one over the other).

In the end, you're able to see how you score on introversion/extroverson and the personality that your answers revealed you would be attracted to.

Very interesting. On many of the choices I couldn't clearly decipher how they were different, but I clearly knew that I prefered one face over the other.

Enjoy! Take the Face Perception Test

Vote for your favorite Dating site

2008-05-16T22:06:00.008-04:00

I thought I would do a simple poll for readers to vote for their favorite dating site~

Of course, nothing is simple~

In doing some research, I found an article by Consumer Search that reviewed the most popular dating websites. In addition, they listed those who had received a mention at least once.

In all, there were 50 dating sites, from the well known to the more obscure. Those catering to conservatives and extremely liberal. From those that charge for their services to those that are free.

So, I've created a poll for users to be able to vote for their top dating site - choosing from the 50 listed in the Consumer Search article.

Follow this link to the poll - it was too large to post here.

Pick Your Favorite Dating Site

At the very least, I think you'll find it fun to explore these sites and see what they have to offer. There may be a site out there for you that you didn't even know existed.

The poll closes in one week and unfortunately, you can only vote once. So, if you vote and then find a site you like better, you're a bit out of luck.

If there's a site that isn't included, you can write that in.

Enjoy and I look forward to reporting the results!

PS: In the name of time, I didn't enter hyperlinks for each of the sites. To find one using your favorite search engine, simply type in the name I show in the poll and add .com to the end.

Bloggers unite for Human Rights

2008-05-15T11:04:00.005-04:00

Blogcatalog has asked that today, the ides of May, be used as a day when Bloggers Unite for Human Rights.

I'm not an especially political person and I don't usually put my energy toward political causes, but I've been horrified, as many of us have, these last five years, to see how easily billions of dollars have been spent on a war to kill people we don't even know when so many social problems here and in other countries could be solved for just a fraction of what this war has cost.

Somehow our politicians can spend weeks debating how to "fix" the Social Security system and little to no time debating the funding for this war. If the truth be known, Social Security could be permanently funded for just one tenth of what has been spent on the war in Iraq!

Below is a trailer clip for the episode "Two Wars" from the second season of This American Life - if you haven't heard of this show, you're in for a treat. It started out as a radio show on NPR and is now also televised on Showtime.

I saw this clip at a live preview broadcast of This American Life and it is one of the few times I have been moved to want to do something political. After watching this segment, I actually wanted to find a placard and join the faithful protesters that gather in my town's center each Saturday morning.

"Two Wars" follows a young Iraqi who had been a translator for the UN just before the war started. He is now in school in the United States (and yes, he would have been able to attend school in the US even without the war). He decided to travel the country one summer and allow anyone to ask him questions. Unfortunately, this clip is just a teaser and doesn't portray the best parts of this episode. If you have Showtime or can get it, I urge you to watch this particular episode - it's mind opening, to say the least.

We all need to consider how our money, that's right OUR money, our tax dollars are being spent. Is that money going toward something that is really improving the world and preserving the rights of the Iraqi's? I could think of a million other things I'd rather do with that money to improve the rights of all humans.

In closing, and I apologize for such a long post, I want to point you toward another post today on my friend's blog Toilet Scribble. Fitz has done one of his funniest and spot on posts yet on the absurdity of some of the public service ads that are being done by actors on behalf of animals, when there are so many larger issues they could be concerned about.

The worst dating profile advice I've seen and an altruistic offer to help the dating world

2008-05-15T10:20:00.009-04:00

A while back I posted some advice on profile screen names and pictures. I promised to blog at a later time with advice about profile content. I have my own ideas about this topic, but I always like to back things up with a little research.

I came across this video and it has to be the worst online dating advice I've seen! It's so bad, it just has to be seen!

Other than the advice about not bragging about body parts and posting a current picture, which I can agree with, it essentially tells you lie or misrepresent all other aspects of your personality.

I also really loved the tackiness of the video quality and pornesque sound track!

Here's my offer - men, if you really want advice with your profile, send it to me. I would be happy to tell you what works and what doesn't. No charge for this and I"m not going to guarantee results, but I can promise to help you remove things that women will find boring or offensive and how to highlight the positive qualities that women will be drawn to.

You can email me by going to the "About me" section and following the email link. If you're serious, I promise not to blog about you. If you're a real jerk, all bets are off!

This explains a LOT!

2008-05-13T11:57:00.003-04:00

I'm often baffled about why I run into so many people that leave me shaking my head in wonder. Many times I wonder if it's just me attracting these people into my life. After seeing this video I will no longer be surprised - these people need way more help than the ones I come across!

read more | digg story

Special thanks to my LLT for passing this along - she actually got me to laugh when I've been in a bit of a foul mood for the past few days~ Please visit her blog Namaste, which I've linked to on my page, when you have a chance~

I know how to be alone damnit!

2008-05-12T19:37:00.009-04:00

I've been single for a year and a half now.

I ended the relationship and I was relieved when it was over. I was sad and I missed the companionship, but the same issues kept coming up repeatedly and I knew they weren't going to go away - we had some basic differences in what we wanted from a relationship and those weren't going to change.

Prior to that relationship, I had been single for two years.

I'm 42 years old and I know myself pretty well. I know my strengths and I am pretty clear about my weaknesses as well. I have a ton of interests and when I took three months off from work last summer before beginning grad school, I had no problem filling up my time. In fact, when school began at the end of August I was no where near accomplishing the things that I had wanted to accomplish. I had enough things to keep me busy for another year, easily.

So, when I hit points in being single when I yearn to have companionship - someone to share my day to day thoughts with or to gripe to about work to, or to plan a vacation with the number one thing that irks me to no end is having some well intentioned acquaintance tell me "You just need to learn how to be alone"!

"Learn how to be alone" I feel like screaming! Let me tell you something, I was the primary parent for my daughter from the time she was three. I put myself through my undergrad degree with no assistance from anyone, dedicated myself to a 14 year career in a field that burns most people out in two years and worked my way up into mid-level management. I then decided to leave and go to grad school while also putting my daughter through her undergrad work. I run, bike, play soccer, hike and backpack and I've recently started learning how to snowboard and I've begun exploring photography!

Now that my daughter is older I've dedicated myself to spending quality time with my nieces and nephews and I've impressed them with my ability to use live bait for fishing and to show them the wonders of Fort Ticonderoga and magnetic hematite from a chachki store in Lake George.

Picture courtesy of: http://MissBlackPanther.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-46321086

All of this I've accomplished alone, or primarily so. My fear is not that I do not know how to spend time alone. My fear is that I will spend so much time as a single person that I will not want to be bothered with consulting someone else about what to fix for dinner or what to do on the weekend.

I enjoy relationships and companionship, so perhaps the above fear is unfounded. As the time passes, however, and the prospects I meet are unsuited or unready I occasionally face the fact that I may, indeed, spend a lot more time alone.

So, what is one to do with that future? Yes, friends are wonderful and I'm happy to say that I have a number of them who are loving and understanding and giving with their time. However, they have their own lives to live. They aren't available when I just want someone to cuddle with while we watch a movie. They aren't there to hold me as I fall asleep at night or to bring me a cup of coffee in the morning. Those are the things I miss most about a relationship - the things that a regular friendship just doesn't provide.

I wish there was an easy, pithy way to sum that up in a retort the next time some well-meaning, but ill-informed stranger offers up a bit of unsolicited advice. Usually I just smile and nod and think about letting go of the desire to strangle them.

This man is missing.............his MIND!

2008-05-08T20:54:00.016-04:00

Do you know this person?

Take a long hard look at the photos~

Apparently he has lost his mind recently~

He has completed a profile on the OK Cupid dating website stating that he is 44 years old, straight and single and residing in New York. From his sceen name (Flyer357) and the pictures, it would appear as if he is a pilot, or at least has access to small planes and pilot's uniforms. If common sense was a defining category, he would fall into the "idiot" selection~

This is the email conversation we had today - initiated by him at 9:30 this morning.

flyer357: do u like it hot?

julie: (thinking to herself, what would FITZ do?) Definitely - I like to pour hot candle wax on guys cocks - r u into that?

flyer357: love it

flyer357: oooh yes and maybe have it sucked with the wax on it

julie: my dog is really good at that licking thing - can she lick your balls while I hook up the hoover?

flyer357: does she ever lick u?

flyer357: well?

flyer357: well?

At this point, I had left for work~

I suspect someone out there will know this guy and would be concerned that he is clearly acting like an idiot. Please, if this is your father, brother, husband, or friend - an intervention is needed - STAT!

This guy is an assclown and you must save him from himself!

The Cover Up~

2008-05-07T23:35:00.003-04:00

This is one of the funniest cheating stories I've heard in a long time......

A friend relayed this and swore it was true~

Photo courtesy of: http://adsoftheworld.com/files/images/ps2-2.preview.jpg

Apparently a guy and his live-in girlfriend had not been getting along.

She left to stay at a friend's for the weekend, leaving only a note saying that she didn't think things were going to work out between them.

This guy was supposed to go out with friends, but decided instead to go to another bar and drown his sorrows.

He called friends the next day to say that he got very drunk and some girl had picked him up and had driven him home from the bar. He recalled having sex with her, but not much else~

The girlfriend came back to the apartment on Monday and cleaned, finding a pair of women's panties.

She confronted the guy about this and trying to cover up, he said that he had developed a fetish for wearing women's underwear.

The girlfriend left to stay at her friend's again and the guy was sure that was the end of the relationship.

To his surprise, when he got home on Tuesday night, his girlfriend was there, cooking dinner with candles, etc. Apparently she found the idea of the new "fetish" exciting. The guy reported that they had the best sex they had ever had!

Within a week, however, he was complaining and wondering what he should do. His girlfriend now had him wearing her underwear around the house while he was cleaning, etc., and she wanted him to start wearing them to work.

He was sure this wouldn't go over well in the guy's bathroom!

At this point, I'm not sure how the story will end........

I've even waited to post this so try to help this guy keep his cover, if that's what he decides to do.

I thought it was hysterical! If the girl doesn't know he cheated, he's getting what is coming to him. If she does know he cheated, he's still getting what's coming to him!

My thought: If you don't lie - you don't need to cover up! End of story~

I've talked with others and everyone has a different view on whether this guy should "fess up" to his girlfriend or not? What do you think? This does smack of the Ross and Rachel "we were on a break" story line: was he "justified" in sleeping with this other woman?

Profile Tips for Men~

2008-05-06T23:40:00.001-04:00

Ok, so at the request of some friends, here are some profile tips for men~

Screen names~

Remember this is your first impression, so names like "cock4u" and "ragingbull" may seem funny when you're hanging out with your buddies, but aren't likely to draw the woman you're looking for.

The same can be said for "sexualdeviant" "mustangman" or "come2daddy"

Pictures~

Men - here's a tip, women do not want to see pictures of you with your arm around some woman that you've tried to crop out of the picture.

Skip the pictures of you standing next to your favorite souped up or restored car~

Leave the pic. with no shirt for some other time - even if you're in good shape - most women would rather discover the six pack after you've shared some conversation~

I know some women will disagree with me, but I think it shows greater character to hide a great body than it does to show it off the first chance you get~

This is especially true if you are more than a few pounds overweight and you are in your underwear

Chainmail or Renaissance costumes - OUT
('nuff said)

I'll save the content of profiles for another time, but I will say just one more thing - SPELL CHECK!