I'm in love with my best friend~
It's true and I know it has the potential to be unhealthy, but I have no desire to change it in any way.
My best friend is full of energy and is up for life's adventures at every turn. He's incredibly intelligent and witty and yet has that mix of healthy cynicism that leads us to cracking smart ass jokes and laughing out loud all of the time.
We spend time together easily - enjoying similar things, but each having different enough interests to spark great conversations and philosophical debates. I cook; he eats. I say I want to do something and he encourages me. We each burn out on life and people from time to time and the other is there to replenish the other's soul.
Despite all of this, we're in different places in our lives. He's younger and wants a family and kids. I've raised my daughter and would adopt, but it's not first on my list of things I'd love to do. He's still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. I am too, but I've accomplished enough to know that who I am matters more than what I do.
We haven't slept together - though that's more because of my friend's maintenance of boundaries, not for my lack of suggesting it. I'll admit it, I'd rather know if that works as well as everything else. Maybe the sex would suck and we could just let it go - but that remains an unanswered question.
We've talked about it - that "it" between us - and there is no good solution - so, we don't bring it up all that often. We spend time together and then we take a break. We hug good-bye and don't let the hugs linger too long. Most of the time, we simply say, good-bye, occasionally, "bye, I love you" is thrown in there.
We are each a part of the fabric of the other's life - a part that neither of us wants to lose. Right now, neither of us is dating anyone seriously, so there is no threat to our connection. We are each fiercely defensive of our friendships, though, so I suspect that a love interest would perhaps limit the time we'd spend together, but wouldn't really threaten our bond.
No one else has fit that list I have in my head of all of the qualities I'm looking for. No one, except my best friend.
And, so it goes~
5 comments:
If you love each other and can agree to back down carefully if it does not work then pursue it. Starting as best friends is a far better place than most people accomplish. There are always risks, but if someone that compatible is at arms length go for it.
I love my best friend. And it took me a long time to come to the conclusion that I was definitely not IN love with him. Of course this was made more difficult because he WAS in love with me, and we talked about getting married. I mean, he was my best friend, and we were great roommates, and everyone I was dating sucked. So marriage with him would be great, right? Except that I didn't want to sleep with him. Which is how I eventually determined that I wasn't actually in love with him. He is an extremely attractive man, and I totally think he is hot. But I just...didn't want to be with him like that.
Obviously my situation was different from yours since you both do love each other. I hope it works out.
Hi Wrenn - thanks for stopping by! I guess the risk is that if we can't back away easily, the friendship could be lost - that's a big price to pay!
Hi Danielle - wow - not attracted to him! Doesn't that stink! How well does he handle the situation?
Everything is cool now, and has been for a while. I've been married for a year, and he and my husband are great friends. But when we were in the middle of the situation (when he was professing his love for me, and I was like "oh geez. I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I don't want to touch your willy.") things were not so good. He couldn't talk to me or see me for a while. It hurt both of us a lot. Honestly his shrink wasn't helping the situation because she was telling him that I was trying to string him along. Hello? Rude, and totally not the case. But anyhow. It all worked out in the end. There is no awkwardness ever between us, and our friendship is rock solid. But it took a little bit to get back here.
It happens to the best of us... getting along with a friend has its own positives.
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