It was great meeting you, but.......

The past few days have been rough~

I've moved from a house to a tiny apartment, my dog has had her butt kicked in a fight and required a vet vist (with money I didn't have) and today I had one of those "thanks it was great, but I just didn't feel the spark" meet and greets.

I'm left feeling depleted financially and emotionally and completely at the bottom of the ego totem pole.

I walked into this coffee date feeling less than glamorous. I had to take my dog to the vet beforehand and traffic was bad, so I didn't have time to change from my casual shorts and tee into something a little nicer. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window earlier in the day and felt fat. So, the groundwork was there for a bad ego day.

I actually thought the conversation went well; we seemed to have a lot in common, we laughed and conversed for close to two hours. We parted agreeing to be in touch soon.

Being in touch consisted of an email letting me know that it was great meeting me, but that "spark" just wasn't there.

I know, I know - it's not about me. I've sent that email myself. Either the spark is there or it isn't. It sucks to be on the receiving end, though!

I think I've said this recently, but it deserves repeating - dating really stinks!

Stop Staring At My Nipples!

So, here's my first attempt at a video rant~

It has very little to do with dating but it still needs to be said!





I know, I look terrible - I had just come in from a run!

What's your fetish?

Here's a fetish I haven't come across in the online dating scene before - tickling.

I came across this profile:

" I want to meet women interested in tickling.I also love phone sex.I am always horney and looking for fun.I am very fit and consirded attractive.I would like to get to know anybody for some good raunchy fun.Tickling is my fetish,I love to tickle and to be tickled. " (He obviously didn't read my post about the use of spell-check in composing your dating persona!)

Later in the profile he mentions that he has a foot fetish as well.

I can honestly say I don't have a fetish. There are parts of the body I like to look at and there are sexual acts I enjoy, but none to the exclusion of anything else.



I'm not sure what I would do if I were to date someone who had a fetish that I wasn't into. A foot fetish probably wouldn't bother me - I don't mind having my feet touched so, as long as I got what I wanted, I'd say go for it. On the other hand, the tickling thing definitely wouldn't work for me. I was held down and tickled as a kid so I have a tickling aversion. The whole fecal focus wouldn't work for me either - I'm just not into it.

What other fetishes are out there? Where would you draw the line? What fetishes would you live with and which would cause you to give your date the heave ho?

Sex or Chocolate vs. Sex or Steak

My friend Fitz over at Toilet Scribble recently asked his readers what they would prefer a juicy steak or sex. As predicted, the testosterone-driven responses poured in. Surprisingly, there were a few guys suggesting they might prefer the steak!

I decided to pose the question to my readers, but with a twist for the women.

If given the choice between sex and an amazing piece of chocolate (let's say, Godiva, or Gevalia or even chocolate cheesecake) - which would you choose.

Now, you can't have them together - of course, we'd all pick that!

I am not a bum, I'm just a jerk~

Hey everyone~

I'm back from a short hiatus from posting. I've been caught up in emptying out my house and moving to a much smaller apartment. It's one of the sacrifices I'm making so I can continue to be a grad student~

So, I have to admit that I fell into a trap that I swore I wouldn't fall into. My friend Fitz regularly blogs about douchebags on his blog Toilet Scribble. So, I should know better and should be able to spot one a mile away. I have to admit, though, that I missed the signs and I was duped.

A while ago, I wrote about someone that I dated briefly who got pissed off at a joke that I made, and who, as a result, cut me off entirely - no explanation - just closed out the IM window and then didn't respond to a phone call or a text. That was as far as I pushed it. I will try to apologize, but I won't beg someone to forgive.

We went about three weeks without talking and after initially feeling bad about it, I realized I was much better off. If this is how a guy handles conflict, I'm not interested - right?

So, one night last week, at about 9, just as I was winding down, up popped an IM from the very same guy. I should have closed it........

I didn't - he apologized, said he didn't normally handle conflict that way, asked to please see me because he missed me, etc., etc.. I know, I know, we could all write the script for this! But, you guessed it, I fell for it! At the very least, I thought, make-up sex is always good!

We actually saw each other a couple of times. The sex was good, we enjoyed each other's company.

Now, POOF! Gone. I didn't even piss him off this time - that I know of! Just gone! So, this time I don't even care! I mean - WTF!

The sad thing is that right before the jerk re-contacted me, I had started dating someone who is a really nice guy, who genuinely seems to like me for me and who says sweet things, etc. With the reintroduction of the jerk, I was actually thinking that I liked the jerk better and maybe I should see if dating him exclusively had a chance!

What is it that we women have that pushes us toward picking the jerks over the nice guys????

One ticket or two?

Remember the days when you had a huge group of friends around and there were always a million people who wanted to do anything you could think up?




Ok, perhaps I'm engaging in a bit of hyperbole, but when I was younger (i.e., when everyone else wasn't working or raising kids, etc.) people were always available for concerts, going out dancing, etc. These days, it's a chore just to find one person who can go out. Either they have to find a sitter, or they can't stay out late because they have a big meeting the next day, or they just have to get enough sleep!

I refuse to let life take over like that! If there's a show I want to see I'll deal with the consequences of lost sleep. I'll drink an extra cup of coffee so I can make it through the meeting!

The one thing I can't do is find someone else to go along for the adventure!

Several times recently, I've made the decision to buy a pair of tickets to shows that I wanted to see, counting on my ability to convince a friend or a date to join me. The first time, I was never able to find someone, and I decided not to go by myself. It was a couple of hours away and I just didn't feel like doing the drive home by myself.

Now, I have tickets to see REM next week. Can you believe that I can't find anyone to join me! It's REM - not an obscure band! It's even on a Friday night! Yes, I have to work the next day - I'm going to deal with being tired - no one else is available.

So, I'm either hanging with the wrong crowd or I'm listening to music that no one else likes - or maybe I smell? I'll change perfumes if you just ask! What's a girl to do when buying tickets for concerts? If I buy just one - I'm definitely going alone. If I buy two, I might still go alone and then feel bad because I lost the money on the second ticket. I don't have the answer but being single stinks~

It's a good day for sex~

Today it was a grey, drizzly morning in the Northeast and I had the day off. All I wanted in my big cozy bed was another warm body to wake up to. I actually did have a friend text and offer to come over, but he's married and we all know where that leads.

Being the research geek that I am, I decided to find out how weather affects our sex drive. Unfortunately, scientists seem to have focused on red-tailed deer, bats, sheep and every other mammal other than humans. There is data about birth rates, but I didn't find any tying it back to actual weather.

So, I decided it was time for another poll. Which is the best weather for having sex. If you're like me, any weather is good weather for this particular activity - but try to narrow it down just a bit for the purposes of this poll.

Enjoy and happy rainy day if you're in the Northeast.

In love with my best friend~

I'm in love with my best friend~

It's true and I know it has the potential to be unhealthy, but I have no desire to change it in any way.

My best friend is full of energy and is up for life's adventures at every turn. He's incredibly intelligent and witty and yet has that mix of healthy cynicism that leads us to cracking smart ass jokes and laughing out loud all of the time.

We spend time together easily - enjoying similar things, but each having different enough interests to spark great conversations and philosophical debates. I cook; he eats. I say I want to do something and he encourages me. We each burn out on life and people from time to time and the other is there to replenish the other's soul.

Despite all of this, we're in different places in our lives. He's younger and wants a family and kids. I've raised my daughter and would adopt, but it's not first on my list of things I'd love to do. He's still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. I am too, but I've accomplished enough to know that who I am matters more than what I do.

We haven't slept together - though that's more because of my friend's maintenance of boundaries, not for my lack of suggesting it. I'll admit it, I'd rather know if that works as well as everything else. Maybe the sex would suck and we could just let it go - but that remains an unanswered question.

We've talked about it - that "it" between us - and there is no good solution - so, we don't bring it up all that often. We spend time together and then we take a break. We hug good-bye and don't let the hugs linger too long. Most of the time, we simply say, good-bye, occasionally, "bye, I love you" is thrown in there.

We are each a part of the fabric of the other's life - a part that neither of us wants to lose. Right now, neither of us is dating anyone seriously, so there is no threat to our connection. We are each fiercely defensive of our friendships, though, so I suspect that a love interest would perhaps limit the time we'd spend together, but wouldn't really threaten our bond.

No one else has fit that list I have in my head of all of the qualities I'm looking for. No one, except my best friend.

And, so it goes~