Dating Wall of Shame

WTF!

2008-07-18T08:00:00.006-04:00

Sometimes you jut need to hold, sip, ok chug, a cold drink and say WTF~

For those of you have been following my blog you'll remember that there's been a guy I've dated off & on who wasn't ready to date seriously because of the fall out from his divorce.

The last few times we've seen each other I know I've been clear in saying that I was interested in dating him more seriously whenever he was ready. His typical response was that he wasn't there yet, and didn't want to put anyone through hell while he worked through his shit.

Yesterday he called to say that he had started seeing someone seriously and then claimed not to be aware that I had been interested in something more serious.

WTF?

I followed the invite of my good friend Brian who takes a much more light-hearted view of the world than I do, and grabbed some drinks and went to hang out for a few hours looking at the moon and talking about anything else but what was on my mind. It didn't make it go away, but it sure didn't make it any worse!

Stalking or just flirting?

2008-07-16T22:53:00.004-04:00

Working in a specialty running store presents me with the opportunity to meet at least 50 people a day with whom I have at least one interest in common - running. Most of the time, I enjoy the encounter, provide excellent service, fit them with the right shoe and send them on their way.

Occasionally, as someone walks out the door, I want to follow behind, tugging on their shirt hem and beg them to take me with them. Either they're simply gorgeous and I could care less what they have to say just so long as I can stare at them for a little longer, or they've impressed me enough with their personality that I want to learn more. Of course, I will try to engage them in conversation as I'm helping with whatever it is they came in for - but there's just so much small talk you can make about wicking fabric, non-cotton socks, and custom vs. over the counter orthotics.

I worked for another store over the winter and they had clearly expressed prohibitions against "fraternizing" with customers or other employees. I have to admit it was much less distracting that way.

Recently this handsome, fit and distinguished doctor came into the store. At first we didn't have his shoe and had to order it for him. He came back yesterday to pick it up and I was secretly hoping it would be defective, or to find some other reason to draw him back again. He's leaving shortly for a year of public service in another country and I so badly want to send an email wishing him well on his trip and trying to lure him into having coffee before he leaves.

I imagine that he'd be charmed by my flirtation and would readily accept my invite. Then I come back to reality and realize that I'd appear like a stalker and would give him nightmares of being followed to South America by the running store weirdo!

I've was tracked down by in the past when I worked for a large state agency. I was charmed that the person had put so much energy into contacting me and it led to a four-year relationship. That's the positive, romantic side of the story. The ugly side is that she left for another woman and yet, every six months or so, she still tries to track me down to tell me she still loves me and hasn't forgotten about me. It's been five years and a number of email addresses later and recently she resorted to leaving flowers and a note on my doorstep. The woman is crazy and I should have seen that when she tracked me down at work nine years ago!

So, I won't email this guy, or anyone else that I cross paths with at the store - but that doesn't mean I can't fantasize about it. Maybe one day someone will be charmed enough by me to come back and ask for my # or my email address............one can only hope.

Go take a hike!

2008-07-14T21:26:00.006-04:00

Hi Everyone~

I'm back for my first post after a long drawn out adjustment to my move. Life has taken many twists and turns for me this past month - many positive ones but they're causing me to step back and reconsider my grad school undertakings and possibly move in a new direction. In turn, I may be reversing my recent move from my house into a small apartment. It's a bit unorthodox, but I'm trying to just go with it.

On the dating front, I have to say that things have not been so positive. So, I decided to give a nice guy a chance and boy, did he turn out to be a jerk! I'll be honest, the sex wasn't great from the beginning and I had my doubts about our compatability. He was a nice guy, though, and I decided to remain open to the possibility of passion growing.

As a reward, I was treated to two drawn out descriptions of how his mother would never accept anyone who was divorced, especially if they had a child. So, me, a divorced single parent for 16 years who formerly dated women clearly had no chance of meeting those expectations. Besides that, this man is 50 years old! If you're still trying to please your mother at 50, something is seriously wrong!

One of the interests we shared, though was hiking. Over the past couple of years, I've had a hard time finding anyone who has been interested in doing some serious hiking and backpacking with me. So, despite my doubts about this guy, I wasn't going to turn down an opportunity to do a 2.5 day backpacking trip on the Long Trail in Vermont.

Last week I had two consecutive days off for the first time since April. The backpacking trip was planned and off we went. After our arrival in VT, the first three hours went well. We hiked up Bromley and back down with packs and made great time. I lagged a little, but mostly, we stayed together on the trail and enjoyed eachother's company. If only the hike had ended there!

I spent the rest of that day and all of the next hiking alone, save for a "check-in" by my companion once an hour. We were carrying 50 lb packs and hiked two intense peaks and then a steep rocky, muddy and slippery downhill. My "companion" would stop an wait for me once an hour and then as soon as I would reach him, he'd stand up and start off again. I've done a bit of hiking and this has to be some of the roughest terrain I've encountered so far. In addition, I chose the wrong boots to wear and exacerbated a foot injury, so I hiked the last three hours in quite a bit of pain.

On the second day, I suggested that if this guy really wanted to cover a lot of miles at a quick pace, he shouldn't bother to wait for me once an hour and should just proceed ahead and wait for me at the end. He quipped back that he could use the rests that he was able to get as he waited for me to catch up!

Two days and 17 miles of hiking essentially by myself was not the way I had envisioned this trip to play out!

On the way home I tried to inquire about how this guy had hiked with others in the past. He complained that he had not found anyone that could keep up with him and how disappointed he was. He then patted my leg and told me that if I lost a few pounds I might be able to hike a bit faster!!!! If I wasn't so exhausted I would have hopped out right then!

Of course, I did not stay over when we reached his house and he accused me of finding an excuse for storming off. The next day he sent me an IM trying to justify his comment. This guy is completely clueless!!!!

I'll admit, I'd like to lose some weight. Ten pounds would be great and 20 would make me ecstatic! On the other hand, I dare anyone to find another 42 year old woman who can hike 17 miles in two days wearing a 50 lb pack and who doesn't complain or break down crying! I don't care what speed I completed the hike at - I completed it and still went for a run the next day!

Unbelievably, this guy has contacted me several times since we got back to try to get together! Finally last night I explained that the trip was a huge disappointment and that it just didn't give me the vibe that we were compatible. I'm not sure he really got it. Good luck and good riddance! I wish there was some way to warn the next woman before she gets sucked in by the initial "nice guy" facade!

Oh - one more thing - I have a terrible case of poison ivy (Pete - remember that movie??!) on my arms this week because of this guys dogs running around off the trail and all through the brush for the entire 17 miles. I love dogs - but this time, the hugs and love I gave them left me with an itchy reminder of this rotten hike!

It was great meeting you, but.......

2008-06-24T22:19:00.007-04:00

The past few days have been rough~

I've moved from a house to a tiny apartment, my dog has had her butt kicked in a fight and required a vet vist (with money I didn't have) and today I had one of those "thanks it was great, but I just didn't feel the spark" meet and greets.

I'm left feeling depleted financially and emotionally and completely at the bottom of the ego totem pole.

I walked into this coffee date feeling less than glamorous. I had to take my dog to the vet beforehand and traffic was bad, so I didn't have time to change from my casual shorts and tee into something a little nicer. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window earlier in the day and felt fat. So, the groundwork was there for a bad ego day.

I actually thought the conversation went well; we seemed to have a lot in common, we laughed and conversed for close to two hours. We parted agreeing to be in touch soon.

Being in touch consisted of an email letting me know that it was great meeting me, but that "spark" just wasn't there.

I know, I know - it's not about me. I've sent that email myself. Either the spark is there or it isn't. It sucks to be on the receiving end, though!

I think I've said this recently, but it deserves repeating - dating really stinks!

Stop Staring At My Nipples!

2008-06-19T09:30:00.004-04:00

So, here's my first attempt at a video rant~

It has very little to do with dating but it still needs to be said!

I know, I look terrible - I had just come in from a run!

What's your fetish?

2008-06-19T07:40:00.012-04:00

Here's a fetish I haven't come across in the online dating scene before - tickling.

I came across this profile:

" I want to meet women interested in tickling.I also love phone sex.I am always horney and looking for fun.I am very fit and consirded attractive.I would like to get to know anybody for some good raunchy fun.Tickling is my fetish,I love to tickle and to be tickled. " (He obviously didn't read my post about the use of spell-check in composing your dating persona!)

Later in the profile he mentions that he has a foot fetish as well.

I can honestly say I don't have a fetish. There are parts of the body I like to look at and there are sexual acts I enjoy, but none to the exclusion of anything else.

I'm not sure what I would do if I were to date someone who had a fetish that I wasn't into. A foot fetish probably wouldn't bother me - I don't mind having my feet touched so, as long as I got what I wanted, I'd say go for it. On the other hand, the tickling thing definitely wouldn't work for me. I was held down and tickled as a kid so I have a tickling aversion. The whole fecal focus wouldn't work for me either - I'm just not into it.

What other fetishes are out there? Where would you draw the line? What fetishes would you live with and which would cause you to give your date the heave ho?

Sex or Chocolate vs. Sex or Steak

2008-06-15T14:07:00.014-04:00

My friend Fitz over at Toilet Scribble recently asked his readers what they would prefer a juicy steak or sex. As predicted, the testosterone-driven responses poured in. Surprisingly, there were a few guys suggesting they might prefer the steak!

I decided to pose the question to my readers, but with a twist for the women.

If given the choice between sex and an amazing piece of chocolate (let's say, Godiva, or Gevalia or even chocolate cheesecake) - which would you choose.

Now, you can't have them together - of course, we'd all pick that!

I am not a bum, I'm just a jerk~

2008-06-13T09:51:00.010-04:00

Hey everyone~

I'm back from a short hiatus from posting. I've been caught up in emptying out my house and moving to a much smaller apartment. It's one of the sacrifices I'm making so I can continue to be a grad student~

So, I have to admit that I fell into a trap that I swore I wouldn't fall into. My friend Fitz regularly blogs about douchebags on his blog Toilet Scribble. So, I should know better and should be able to spot one a mile away. I have to admit, though, that I missed the signs and I was duped.

A while ago, I wrote about someone that I dated briefly who got pissed off at a joke that I made, and who, as a result, cut me off entirely - no explanation - just closed out the IM window and then didn't respond to a phone call or a text. That was as far as I pushed it. I will try to apologize, but I won't beg someone to forgive.

We went about three weeks without talking and after initially feeling bad about it, I realized I was much better off. If this is how a guy handles conflict, I'm not interested - right?

So, one night last week, at about 9, just as I was winding down, up popped an IM from the very same guy. I should have closed it........

I didn't - he apologized, said he didn't normally handle conflict that way, asked to please see me because he missed me, etc., etc.. I know, I know, we could all write the script for this! But, you guessed it, I fell for it! At the very least, I thought, make-up sex is always good!

We actually saw each other a couple of times. The sex was good, we enjoyed each other's company.

Now, POOF! Gone. I didn't even piss him off this time - that I know of! Just gone! So, this time I don't even care! I mean - WTF!

The sad thing is that right before the jerk re-contacted me, I had started dating someone who is a really nice guy, who genuinely seems to like me for me and who says sweet things, etc. With the reintroduction of the jerk, I was actually thinking that I liked the jerk better and maybe I should see if dating him exclusively had a chance!

What is it that we women have that pushes us toward picking the jerks over the nice guys????

One ticket or two?

2008-06-05T08:50:00.008-04:00

Remember the days when you had a huge group of friends around and there were always a million people who wanted to do anything you could think up?

Ok, perhaps I'm engaging in a bit of hyperbole, but when I was younger (i.e., when everyone else wasn't working or raising kids, etc.) people were always available for concerts, going out dancing, etc. These days, it's a chore just to find one person who can go out. Either they have to find a sitter, or they can't stay out late because they have a big meeting the next day, or they just have to get enough sleep!

I refuse to let life take over like that! If there's a show I want to see I'll deal with the consequences of lost sleep. I'll drink an extra cup of coffee so I can make it through the meeting!

The one thing I can't do is find someone else to go along for the adventure!

Several times recently, I've made the decision to buy a pair of tickets to shows that I wanted to see, counting on my ability to convince a friend or a date to join me. The first time, I was never able to find someone, and I decided not to go by myself. It was a couple of hours away and I just didn't feel like doing the drive home by myself.

Now, I have tickets to see REM next week. Can you believe that I can't find anyone to join me! It's REM - not an obscure band! It's even on a Friday night! Yes, I have to work the next day - I'm going to deal with being tired - no one else is available.

So, I'm either hanging with the wrong crowd or I'm listening to music that no one else likes - or maybe I smell? I'll change perfumes if you just ask! What's a girl to do when buying tickets for concerts? If I buy just one - I'm definitely going alone. If I buy two, I might still go alone and then feel bad because I lost the money on the second ticket. I don't have the answer but being single stinks~

It's a good day for sex~

2008-06-04T09:08:00.008-04:00

Today it was a grey, drizzly morning in the Northeast and I had the day off. All I wanted in my big cozy bed was another warm body to wake up to. I actually did have a friend text and offer to come over, but he's married and we all know where that leads.

Being the research geek that I am, I decided to find out how weather affects our sex drive. Unfortunately, scientists seem to have focused on red-tailed deer, bats, sheep and every other mammal other than humans. There is data about birth rates, but I didn't find any tying it back to actual weather.

So, I decided it was time for another poll. Which is the best weather for having sex. If you're like me, any weather is good weather for this particular activity - but try to narrow it down just a bit for the purposes of this poll.

Enjoy and happy rainy day if you're in the Northeast.

In love with my best friend~

2008-06-01T09:48:00.006-04:00

I'm in love with my best friend~

It's true and I know it has the potential to be unhealthy, but I have no desire to change it in any way.

My best friend is full of energy and is up for life's adventures at every turn. He's incredibly intelligent and witty and yet has that mix of healthy cynicism that leads us to cracking smart ass jokes and laughing out loud all of the time.

We spend time together easily - enjoying similar things, but each having different enough interests to spark great conversations and philosophical debates. I cook; he eats. I say I want to do something and he encourages me. We each burn out on life and people from time to time and the other is there to replenish the other's soul.

Despite all of this, we're in different places in our lives. He's younger and wants a family and kids. I've raised my daughter and would adopt, but it's not first on my list of things I'd love to do. He's still figuring out what he wants to do with his life. I am too, but I've accomplished enough to know that who I am matters more than what I do.

We haven't slept together - though that's more because of my friend's maintenance of boundaries, not for my lack of suggesting it. I'll admit it, I'd rather know if that works as well as everything else. Maybe the sex would suck and we could just let it go - but that remains an unanswered question.

We've talked about it - that "it" between us - and there is no good solution - so, we don't bring it up all that often. We spend time together and then we take a break. We hug good-bye and don't let the hugs linger too long. Most of the time, we simply say, good-bye, occasionally, "bye, I love you" is thrown in there.

We are each a part of the fabric of the other's life - a part that neither of us wants to lose. Right now, neither of us is dating anyone seriously, so there is no threat to our connection. We are each fiercely defensive of our friendships, though, so I suspect that a love interest would perhaps limit the time we'd spend together, but wouldn't really threaten our bond.

No one else has fit that list I have in my head of all of the qualities I'm looking for. No one, except my best friend.

And, so it goes~

The camera is out of focus~

2008-05-29T09:29:00.027-04:00

I understand that each dating site tries to distinguish itself from others and each has a "gimmick" that they use, or a different set of criteria that you can enter to select a potential date. I just think a number of the sites go too far!

A while back, OkCupid decided to hook up with a scientific matching company to find potential dates based on DNA. Apparently after a lot of negative feedback from users, they announced that they had nixed that idea. When I looked, though, there are a number of other dating sites, many in Europe, who are using this technology.

Read more about DNA matching and dating

Plenty of Fish just started displaying two new categories on user's profiles: "Smarts" and if the user owns a car! The "Smarts" categoryis filled in by a field where the user records their highest level of education! As a Master's student, I can attest that the amount of education a person has clearly does not equate to "smarts"! In fact, studies have shown that Ph.D.'s do NOT score higher on IQ tests - they only show a higher level of persistence! As for owning a car, what about the cities full of people who use public transportation and CHOSE not to own one! Talk about narrow-mindedness on the part of these website designers!

Match.com also has a bunch of wacky categories that you can complete to indicate what you would like or not like in a potential mate. So many of those things, though, are circumstantial. Take tattoos or piercings for instance. I happen to have a small tattoo that is not highly visible. I placed it in a spot that could be covered if I chose to. It's a part of my personal identify and I got it for me. I'm not covered in tattoos and everyone who has seen mine has complimented me on it. I don't have any piercings, but I know plenty of people who have one or two small piercings that are barely noticeable or are hidden by clothes. So, if a person indicates that they don't like tattoos or piercings - we, my friends and I, appear to be less desirable mates than those who indicate that they don't have tattoos or piercings! It's ridiculous that someone would make a judgment about dating someone based on that kind of singular answer.

Another item Match.com has in their criteria is whether or not you find thunderstorms to be a "turn-on" or a "turn-off". C'mon people! Are you really going to toss someone to the side because they hate thunderstorms!

What other craziness exists out there? I'm interesting in hearing from readers their experiences or observations of ridiculous selection criteria used by dating sites.

Photo courtesy of Deviant Art

It's just communication people!

2008-05-27T11:27:00.007-04:00

I was talking to a friend the other night and she relayed a story about how she had upset a date with a comment she made and instead of talking about it, the date picked up her things and walked out the door.

Just yesterday, I had a situation where I upset someone with a remark I make while IMing and instead of talking about it, the person said they had things to do and signed off.

Neither of these situations were about deeply personal beliefs or overtly sensitive topics and neither the comment my friend made, nor the one I made were ill-intentioned. However, the person on the receiving end was clearly upset and decided to walk away, rather than discuss the conflict.

I'm always a bit baffled when this kind of thing happens. I HATE conflict, but I'd rather come to some resolution than spend days feeling like I wasn't able to get my point across or that someone misunderstood me. Communication skills are at a premium these days and with electronic communication it is so much easier to misunderstand or be misunderstood.

So, I decided to post these communication tips figuring that any conflict, whether it's at work, or with a romantic partner, is resolvable if people just put some basic skills to use. There is also a great link in this article for another list of "common communication mistakes". As you might guess, one of those is avoiding communication altogether.

How To Communicate: Improve Your Relationships With Effective Communication Skills
From Elizabeth Scott, M.S.,
Your Guide to Stress Management.
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About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by Steven Gans, MD
Conflict in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, conflict isn’t a problem; how it’s handled, however, can bring people together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, disagreements and misunderstandings can be a source of anger and distance, or a springboard to a stronger relationship and happier future. Next time you’re dealing with conflict, keep these tips on effective communication skills in mind and you can create a more positive outcome.
Difficulty: Average
Time Required: Just a little extra time.
Here's How:

Stay Focused: Sometimes it’s tempting to bring up past seemingly related conflicts when dealing with current ones. Unfortunately, this often clouds the issue and makes finding mutual understanding and a solution to the current issue less likely, and makes the whole discussion more taxing and even confusing. Try not to bring up past hurts or other topics. Stay focused on the present, your feelings, understanding one another and finding a solution.
Listen Carefully: People often think they’re listening, but are really thinking about what they’re going to say next when the other person stops talking. Truly effective communication goes both ways. While it might be difficult, try really listening to what your partner is saying. Don’t interrupt. Don’t get defensive. Just hear them and reflect back what they’re saying so they know you’ve heard. Then you’ll understand them better and they’ll be more willing to listen to you.

Try To See Their Point of View: In a conflict, most of us primarily want to feel heard and understood. We talk a lot about our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically, if we all do this all the time, there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view, and nobody feels understood. Try to really see the other side, and then you can better explain yours. (If you don't 'get it', ask more questions until you do.) Others will more likely be willing to listen if they feel heard.

Respond to Criticism with Empathy: When someone comes at you with criticism, it’s easy to feel that they’re wrong, and get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, and often exaggerated or colored by the other person’s emotions, it’s important to listen for the other person’s pain and respond with empathy for their feelings. Also, look for what’s true in what they’re saying; that can be valuable information for you.

Own What’s Yours: Realize that personal responsibility is a strength, not a weakness. Effective communication involves admitting when you’re wrong. If you both share some responsibility in a conflict (which is usually the case), look for and admit to what’s yours. It diffuses the situation, sets a good example, and shows maturity. It also often inspires the other person to respond in kind, leading you both closer to mutual understanding and a solution.
Use “I” Messages: Rather than saying things like, “You really messed up here,” begin statements with “I”, and make them about yourself and your feelings, like, “I feel frustrated when this happens.” It’s less accusatory, sparks less defensiveness, and helps the other person understand your point of view rather than feeling attacked.
Look for Compromise Instead of trying to ‘win’ the argument, look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs. Either through compromise, or a new solution that gives you both what you want most, this focus is much more effective than one person getting what they want at the other’s expense. Healthy communication involves finding a resolution that both sides can be happy with.

Take a Time-Out: Sometimes tempers get heated and it’s just too difficult to continue a discussion without it becoming an argument or a fight. If you feel yourself or your partner starting to get too angry to be constructive, or showing some destructive communication patterns, it’s okay to take a break from the discussion until you both cool off. Sometimes good communication means knowing when to take a break.
Don’t Give Up: While taking a break from the discussion is sometimes a good idea, always come back to it. If you both approach the situation with a constructive attitude, mutual respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view or at least find a solution, you can make progress toward the goal of a resolution to the conflict. Unless it’s time to give up on the relationship, don’t give up on communication.

Ask For Help If You Need It: If one or both of you has trouble staying respectful during conflict, or if you’ve tried resolving conflict with your partner on your own and the situation just doesn’t seem to be improving, you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist. Couples counseling or family therapy can provide help with altercations and teach skills to resolve future conflict. If your partner doesn’t want to go, you can still often benefit from going alone.
Tips:

Remember that the goal of effective communication skills should be mutual understanding and finding a solution that pleases both parties, not ‘winning’ the argument or ‘being right’.
This doesn’t work in every situation, but sometimes (if you’re having a conflict in a romantic relationship) it helps to hold hands or stay physically connected as you talk. This can remind you that you still care about each other and generally support one another.

Keep in mind that it’s important to remain respectful of the other person, even if you don’t like their actions.
Here's a list of common unhealthy ways to handle conflict.
Do you do some of these? If so, your poor communication skills could be causing additional stress in your life.

American Woman~

2008-05-24T00:56:00.015-04:00

Five years ago, on Memorial Day weekend, my ex left for someone she had met just a few months before. I still have cards she wrote just a week before she left telling me how she was looking forward to spending our lives together. I keep them because occasionally someone asks me why I couldn't see it coming. I need proof to remind myself that I wasn't blind, I was just trusting - and that's not a bad thing.

I ran a marathon that year as a way to deal with getting through a few months - something to use as a goal to focus on. I've decided to run another marathon this year to commemorate the past five years and to put it behind me. I'm happy to say that when my ex occasionally contacts me (and she does every time she's single) I no longer feel that tug on my heart. I'll be moving soon out of the house that we shared and for the first time in five years she will have no way to contact me. Knowing that has given me a great sense of relief.

My friend Jacque just returned home from her first year in grad school to find out that her girlfriend had been cheating on her for most of the past year. Jacque had felt torn the whole time she was here in school feeling like maybe she had made the wrong decision to move so far away. Now she feels stupid for not knowing that her girlfriend was lying to her for a year. She's just beginning that journey that I am finishing.

Here's a little weekend music for Jacque and anyone else who lost someone in the same way~

Lenny Kravitz - American Woman

Christina Aguillera - Fighter

The Facebook vortex of hell~

2008-05-19T15:04:00.006-04:00

This isn't really about dating, but it is about cyberculture and the pitfalls of electronic communication~

I am a fairly tech savvy kind of girl - though I have been know to deny that when asked to help set up people's computers (its not my idea of a fun time)~

This weekend, I was caught in a vortex of Facebook hell that doesn't seem to have ended.

Let me preface this by saying that I started dabbling with Facebook because I'm a grad student and most of my grad colleagues were using it. Over time, I've connected with other friends and more recently, extended family members (its not just for the younguns anymore). So, currently, my former mother-in-law, sister-in-law and my daughter's cousins have been added as friends. It's one of those niceties, like waving at the neighbors as you walk or drive by. I don't really communicate with them by Facebook, but it would be rude not to accept a friend invite.

On the other end of the spectrum, my long standing friend and I are regularly in contact sending obnoxious videos back and forth, tasering eachother via superpoke, etc. (If you haven't been on Facebook, just know that it's an electronic way of smacking someone on the ass and saying "what up"!).

Last week, said friend, forwarded a European public service video about the importance of checking for testicular cancer. This video featured a sports team (I think soccer/football). All of the team members gather in the locker room and a doctor shows them, in great detail, with a team volunteer, how to check for testicular cancer, and then they all join in. It's not even funny except that it's bizarre to see a room full of guys with their towels open touching themselves.

So, of course, I felt the need to forward this to one or two select friends.

Somehow, Facebook has added a new feature which automatically selects everyone on your profile with a "Send to All" button as the default. If you only want to send to one or two people, you have to deselect everyone else. I didn't pay attention. Hence, this lovely video was swiftly sent forth to EVERYONE on my Facebook page - including the extended relatives listed above.

Being the guilt ridden Irish catholic girl that I am, I immediately sent out an apology to those that I knew might be offended.

Today, my former sister-in-law replied that she never received the video, but accepted my apology anyway. Why I didn't stop there, I'll never know and I will be questioning for some time to come!

I proceeded to send her an email describing the video in great detail and then facetiously commenting that I couldn't WAIT until her mother saw it and saw that I had sent it to the cousins! Click Send - and off that goes - TO EVERYONE that I had sent the previous apology to!!!!

Now, not only have I sent out an obnoxious video to some young men who are just barely in their teens, I have now insulted my former mother-in-law by email to those same cousins and a number of other people! Contrary to what you might expect, I really LIKE my former mother-in-law and she's been a great support to me over the years. I am not looking forward to the phone call that I have to make to explain all of this!

For your enjoyment, here is said video that caused these problems~

Partner Choice by facial qualities

2008-05-17T19:36:00.009-04:00

I found this interesting test on the BBC Science and Nature website that has you answer some questions regarding your personality and then rate a series of 20 pairs of faces.

You rate the faces on your preference (grading from only slightly preferring one over the other to strongly preferring one over the other).

In the end, you're able to see how you score on introversion/extroverson and the personality that your answers revealed you would be attracted to.

Very interesting. On many of the choices I couldn't clearly decipher how they were different, but I clearly knew that I prefered one face over the other.

Enjoy! Take the Face Perception Test

Vote for your favorite Dating site

2008-05-16T22:06:00.008-04:00

I thought I would do a simple poll for readers to vote for their favorite dating site~

Of course, nothing is simple~

In doing some research, I found an article by Consumer Search that reviewed the most popular dating websites. In addition, they listed those who had received a mention at least once.

In all, there were 50 dating sites, from the well known to the more obscure. Those catering to conservatives and extremely liberal. From those that charge for their services to those that are free.

So, I've created a poll for users to be able to vote for their top dating site - choosing from the 50 listed in the Consumer Search article.

Follow this link to the poll - it was too large to post here.

Pick Your Favorite Dating Site

At the very least, I think you'll find it fun to explore these sites and see what they have to offer. There may be a site out there for you that you didn't even know existed.

The poll closes in one week and unfortunately, you can only vote once. So, if you vote and then find a site you like better, you're a bit out of luck.

If there's a site that isn't included, you can write that in.

Enjoy and I look forward to reporting the results!

PS: In the name of time, I didn't enter hyperlinks for each of the sites. To find one using your favorite search engine, simply type in the name I show in the poll and add .com to the end.

Bloggers unite for Human Rights

2008-05-15T11:04:00.005-04:00

Blogcatalog has asked that today, the ides of May, be used as a day when Bloggers Unite for Human Rights.

I'm not an especially political person and I don't usually put my energy toward political causes, but I've been horrified, as many of us have, these last five years, to see how easily billions of dollars have been spent on a war to kill people we don't even know when so many social problems here and in other countries could be solved for just a fraction of what this war has cost.

Somehow our politicians can spend weeks debating how to "fix" the Social Security system and little to no time debating the funding for this war. If the truth be known, Social Security could be permanently funded for just one tenth of what has been spent on the war in Iraq!

Below is a trailer clip for the episode "Two Wars" from the second season of This American Life - if you haven't heard of this show, you're in for a treat. It started out as a radio show on NPR and is now also televised on Showtime.

I saw this clip at a live preview broadcast of This American Life and it is one of the few times I have been moved to want to do something political. After watching this segment, I actually wanted to find a placard and join the faithful protesters that gather in my town's center each Saturday morning.

"Two Wars" follows a young Iraqi who had been a translator for the UN just before the war started. He is now in school in the United States (and yes, he would have been able to attend school in the US even without the war). He decided to travel the country one summer and allow anyone to ask him questions. Unfortunately, this clip is just a teaser and doesn't portray the best parts of this episode. If you have Showtime or can get it, I urge you to watch this particular episode - it's mind opening, to say the least.

We all need to consider how our money, that's right OUR money, our tax dollars are being spent. Is that money going toward something that is really improving the world and preserving the rights of the Iraqi's? I could think of a million other things I'd rather do with that money to improve the rights of all humans.

In closing, and I apologize for such a long post, I want to point you toward another post today on my friend's blog Toilet Scribble. Fitz has done one of his funniest and spot on posts yet on the absurdity of some of the public service ads that are being done by actors on behalf of animals, when there are so many larger issues they could be concerned about.

The worst dating profile advice I've seen and an altruistic offer to help the dating world

2008-05-15T10:20:00.009-04:00

A while back I posted some advice on profile screen names and pictures. I promised to blog at a later time with advice about profile content. I have my own ideas about this topic, but I always like to back things up with a little research.

I came across this video and it has to be the worst online dating advice I've seen! It's so bad, it just has to be seen!

Other than the advice about not bragging about body parts and posting a current picture, which I can agree with, it essentially tells you lie or misrepresent all other aspects of your personality.

I also really loved the tackiness of the video quality and pornesque sound track!

Here's my offer - men, if you really want advice with your profile, send it to me. I would be happy to tell you what works and what doesn't. No charge for this and I"m not going to guarantee results, but I can promise to help you remove things that women will find boring or offensive and how to highlight the positive qualities that women will be drawn to.

You can email me by going to the "About me" section and following the email link. If you're serious, I promise not to blog about you. If you're a real jerk, all bets are off!

This explains a LOT!

2008-05-13T11:57:00.003-04:00

I'm often baffled about why I run into so many people that leave me shaking my head in wonder. Many times I wonder if it's just me attracting these people into my life. After seeing this video I will no longer be surprised - these people need way more help than the ones I come across!

read more | digg story

Special thanks to my LLT for passing this along - she actually got me to laugh when I've been in a bit of a foul mood for the past few days~ Please visit her blog Namaste, which I've linked to on my page, when you have a chance~

I know how to be alone damnit!

2008-05-12T19:37:00.009-04:00

I've been single for a year and a half now.

I ended the relationship and I was relieved when it was over. I was sad and I missed the companionship, but the same issues kept coming up repeatedly and I knew they weren't going to go away - we had some basic differences in what we wanted from a relationship and those weren't going to change.

Prior to that relationship, I had been single for two years.

I'm 42 years old and I know myself pretty well. I know my strengths and I am pretty clear about my weaknesses as well. I have a ton of interests and when I took three months off from work last summer before beginning grad school, I had no problem filling up my time. In fact, when school began at the end of August I was no where near accomplishing the things that I had wanted to accomplish. I had enough things to keep me busy for another year, easily.

So, when I hit points in being single when I yearn to have companionship - someone to share my day to day thoughts with or to gripe to about work to, or to plan a vacation with the number one thing that irks me to no end is having some well intentioned acquaintance tell me "You just need to learn how to be alone"!

"Learn how to be alone" I feel like screaming! Let me tell you something, I was the primary parent for my daughter from the time she was three. I put myself through my undergrad degree with no assistance from anyone, dedicated myself to a 14 year career in a field that burns most people out in two years and worked my way up into mid-level management. I then decided to leave and go to grad school while also putting my daughter through her undergrad work. I run, bike, play soccer, hike and backpack and I've recently started learning how to snowboard and I've begun exploring photography!

Now that my daughter is older I've dedicated myself to spending quality time with my nieces and nephews and I've impressed them with my ability to use live bait for fishing and to show them the wonders of Fort Ticonderoga and magnetic hematite from a chachki store in Lake George.

Picture courtesy of: http://MissBlackPanther.deviantart.com/art/Lonely-46321086

All of this I've accomplished alone, or primarily so. My fear is not that I do not know how to spend time alone. My fear is that I will spend so much time as a single person that I will not want to be bothered with consulting someone else about what to fix for dinner or what to do on the weekend.

I enjoy relationships and companionship, so perhaps the above fear is unfounded. As the time passes, however, and the prospects I meet are unsuited or unready I occasionally face the fact that I may, indeed, spend a lot more time alone.

So, what is one to do with that future? Yes, friends are wonderful and I'm happy to say that I have a number of them who are loving and understanding and giving with their time. However, they have their own lives to live. They aren't available when I just want someone to cuddle with while we watch a movie. They aren't there to hold me as I fall asleep at night or to bring me a cup of coffee in the morning. Those are the things I miss most about a relationship - the things that a regular friendship just doesn't provide.

I wish there was an easy, pithy way to sum that up in a retort the next time some well-meaning, but ill-informed stranger offers up a bit of unsolicited advice. Usually I just smile and nod and think about letting go of the desire to strangle them.

This man is missing.............his MIND!

2008-05-08T20:54:00.016-04:00

Do you know this person?

Take a long hard look at the photos~

Apparently he has lost his mind recently~

He has completed a profile on the OK Cupid dating website stating that he is 44 years old, straight and single and residing in New York. From his sceen name (Flyer357) and the pictures, it would appear as if he is a pilot, or at least has access to small planes and pilot's uniforms. If common sense was a defining category, he would fall into the "idiot" selection~

This is the email conversation we had today - initiated by him at 9:30 this morning.

flyer357: do u like it hot?

julie: (thinking to herself, what would FITZ do?) Definitely - I like to pour hot candle wax on guys cocks - r u into that?

flyer357: love it

flyer357: oooh yes and maybe have it sucked with the wax on it

julie: my dog is really good at that licking thing - can she lick your balls while I hook up the hoover?

flyer357: does she ever lick u?

flyer357: well?

flyer357: well?

At this point, I had left for work~

I suspect someone out there will know this guy and would be concerned that he is clearly acting like an idiot. Please, if this is your father, brother, husband, or friend - an intervention is needed - STAT!

This guy is an assclown and you must save him from himself!

The Cover Up~

2008-05-07T23:35:00.003-04:00

This is one of the funniest cheating stories I've heard in a long time......

A friend relayed this and swore it was true~

Photo courtesy of: http://adsoftheworld.com/files/images/ps2-2.preview.jpg

Apparently a guy and his live-in girlfriend had not been getting along.

She left to stay at a friend's for the weekend, leaving only a note saying that she didn't think things were going to work out between them.

This guy was supposed to go out with friends, but decided instead to go to another bar and drown his sorrows.

He called friends the next day to say that he got very drunk and some girl had picked him up and had driven him home from the bar. He recalled having sex with her, but not much else~

The girlfriend came back to the apartment on Monday and cleaned, finding a pair of women's panties.

She confronted the guy about this and trying to cover up, he said that he had developed a fetish for wearing women's underwear.

The girlfriend left to stay at her friend's again and the guy was sure that was the end of the relationship.

To his surprise, when he got home on Tuesday night, his girlfriend was there, cooking dinner with candles, etc. Apparently she found the idea of the new "fetish" exciting. The guy reported that they had the best sex they had ever had!

Within a week, however, he was complaining and wondering what he should do. His girlfriend now had him wearing her underwear around the house while he was cleaning, etc., and she wanted him to start wearing them to work.

He was sure this wouldn't go over well in the guy's bathroom!

At this point, I'm not sure how the story will end........

I've even waited to post this so try to help this guy keep his cover, if that's what he decides to do.

I thought it was hysterical! If the girl doesn't know he cheated, he's getting what is coming to him. If she does know he cheated, he's still getting what's coming to him!

My thought: If you don't lie - you don't need to cover up! End of story~

I've talked with others and everyone has a different view on whether this guy should "fess up" to his girlfriend or not? What do you think? This does smack of the Ross and Rachel "we were on a break" story line: was he "justified" in sleeping with this other woman?

Profile Tips for Men~

2008-05-06T23:40:00.001-04:00

Ok, so at the request of some friends, here are some profile tips for men~

Screen names~

Remember this is your first impression, so names like "cock4u" and "ragingbull" may seem funny when you're hanging out with your buddies, but aren't likely to draw the woman you're looking for.

The same can be said for "sexualdeviant" "mustangman" or "come2daddy"

Pictures~

Men - here's a tip, women do not want to see pictures of you with your arm around some woman that you've tried to crop out of the picture.

Skip the pictures of you standing next to your favorite souped up or restored car~

Leave the pic. with no shirt for some other time - even if you're in good shape - most women would rather discover the six pack after you've shared some conversation~

I know some women will disagree with me, but I think it shows greater character to hide a great body than it does to show it off the first chance you get~

This is especially true if you are more than a few pounds overweight and you are in your underwear

Chainmail or Renaissance costumes - OUT
('nuff said)

I'll save the content of profiles for another time, but I will say just one more thing - SPELL CHECK!

Push It~

2008-05-06T23:29:00.003-04:00

*nods to pete, who loves the 90's

Not Ready to Love - Rufus Wainright

2008-05-06T19:08:00.000-04:00

A song dedicated to my date who never called earlier this week and to all of those still recovering from a lost love~

Zen and the Art of Being Blown Off

2008-05-06T11:41:00.004-04:00

Nobody likes being blown off - it sucks!

It can bring up all of that Junior High angst about not being good enough and fear about being toyed with (at its worst, think Carrie at the prom).

Sometimes, though, people's actions speak louder than their words, or their actions underscore their words.

I had plans to get together with someone last night~
The plans weren't specific - just to spend time together~
We spoke in the morning and agreed to spend time together.
He was supposed to call in the late afternoon when he had finished accomplishing some errands~

You know the story, late afternoon came - no call~

When I was younger, this might have really shaken me up. I might have convinced myself that his phone might not be working, or that he somehow accidentally erased my number, and I might have called. "Hey, just wondering what happened - are we still on for tonight?"

I might have hung around on the computer with my IM screen open, giving him the chance to send that message "Sorry about tonight, I was at Dirk's house and we got caught up in building that retaining wall....."

Nah~

I'm proud to say I did neither of those things last night (ok, each one of those options floated through my brain, but only for a brief second).

To be honest, this is a guy who is not ready to be dating yet. He's still aching over the end of his marriage and he's trying to figure out how balance working full-time, taking care of his kids half the week, and figuring out who he is after being married to his high school sweetheart for 20 years.

Yep, we have a lot of fun together. We laugh and we enjoy each other's company. I'd love to see if it could turn into something with a future. Whenever we've talked about it though, he's been clear that he just isn't ready and isn't even at the point of being sure he wants another long term relationship.

Again, when I was younger, I might have fooled myself that with enough positive support on my part he would "come around". I've had to be honest with myself, though. I can take this guy at face value and enjoy the time we spend together for as long as that works for me and doesn't cause me heartache, or I can walk away altogether. Those are my two options.

There is no way of convincing someone else that they are ready to be dating seriously - only they can come to that conclusion - and it may take a long time - a really long time.

So, I set the phone to vibrate, put it in my back pocket and got some yard work done. When the time for the phone call passed, I recognized that he was showing me, with his actions, exactly what he had been saying with his words. He just isn't ready.

I fixed dinner, had a glass of wine, and finished a book for school. I went to bed and slept well. I didn't toss and turn and I didn't harbor a lot of anger over being blown off.

Now, will I answer the phone when he calls, or respond quickly to an IM? I don't know - I haven't figured that out yet. Will I make plans again - not sure about that either. Will I send an email telling him how upset I was at the lack of common courtesy he showed? Nope - he's a grown man - I'm not his mother - he doesn't need a lecture from me. He's probably feeling bad enough about the situation. He's going through a tough time right now - he doesn't know what he wants - and he's demonstrating that by blowing off someone that he might have a chance at having a relationship with. That sucks.

You know what, though? All of that sucks for him - it doesn't have to suck for me. I have a choice about how I let this affect me. I can take it personally and feel rejected - or I can look it for what it is - a clear message that this guy just isn't ready.

Datekrispy and Lifekrispy~

2008-05-05T10:44:00.000-04:00

So, my two new words "Datekrispy" and "Lifekrispy" have been accepted into the urban dictionary~

They're showing up twice - some UD glitch, but check them out & vote for them :-)

Urban Dictionary - Datekrispy

Urban Dictionary - Lifekrispy

Women over 40~

2008-05-04T17:01:00.002-04:00

This was attributed to Andy Rooney - I don't have the time or the desire to research it to see if he actually authored this, but I thought it was worth posting anyway.

As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are
just a few reasons why: A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the
night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game , she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usuallymore interesting.

Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they w on't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far
sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal . For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.

For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get
the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

The worth of a woman~

2008-05-04T16:46:00.007-04:00

Yep, you may have seen this floating around the internet recently, but I decided to post it anyway.

Partly because I'm still trying to recover from burnout and partly because I sometimes forget (especially with the crap that's heaped on every day) that I have things to offer~

Men, this is in no way intended to detract from your worth. Since I've started dating men, I've met more men that have impressed me with their dedication to doing what's right, or raising their kids, or finding a balance between being masculine and also sharing their emotions - so, just take this at face value - a homage to women~

THE WORTH OF A WOMAN

One Flaw In Women

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take 'no' for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have the compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.
Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Datekrispy~

2008-05-03T08:39:00.006-04:00

I am a datekrispy~

That's right - I'm burned out, sizzled, fried - completely over the whole dating scene right now!

Granted, this may have something to do with being at the end of a long semester. Iif you haven't seen my profile, I'll explain.) I'm a full-time grad student, I help teach a course, and I work part-time.

So, there's a chance that I'm a lifekrispy right now and my fatigue is just being channeled at the dating scene.

Either way, I finally have a Saturday off and I'm heading out - away to my cottage in the woods with no Internet or cable, or other distractions. Yes, I still have papers to write, papers to grade, and bills to pay - but I will be away from profiles, emails, IM's, come ons, let downs, and put offs.

I wonder how it is that I have well over 100 people visit my dating profiles and blogs each day and somehow, only the ones who are over the age of 50 or under 30 make contact? Oh, wait, let me correct that - one guy who was my age emailed to ask if I could come over and "relieve his boredom". When I referred him to my blog he came back and said that he enjoyed it but was still wondering if I was interested........wtf!?? It's like I have a "normal guy" filter on my email PREVENTING them from getting through!

I wish all of my fellow daters good luck. Enjoy your weekend and I hope you have at least one good date - or better yet, find the man or woman of your dreams.

As for me, I'll be stoking up the woodstove (yep, its still cold enough at night for a fire), sipping on a glass of wine and cuddling with my dog. Perhaps by Monday I'll be in a better place about this dating thing.

Peace out~

PS - I've submitted my newly coined term "datekrispy" to the Urban Dictionary - it has to be reviewed by the editors - I'll keep everyone updated on its progress.

Voyeurism~

2008-04-30T21:22:00.005-04:00

Voyeurism~

The watcher and the watched~

In the pathologic sense, a perverse addiction to watching people in sexual acts when they are unaware of being watched~

Voyeurism, by the way, is closely related to exhibitionism~
Sometimes the watcher likes to be watched~
Sometimes the one being watched enjoys the thrill of being "innocently" viewed~

I have often felt that online dating walks the edge of voyeurism~

I'm always guessing how much in a profile is a glimpse at a real person; how much is the persona they have invented - just for my benefit~

At the same time, I struggle to find a balance between revealing enough about my inner workings to a probable mate and how much to shroud in gauzy words, only hinting at what lies deep~

We circle around eachother - the seeker and the sought~

Someone views me and I wonder why they don't speak~

I view another and enjoy the view, but decide they wouldn't be interested~

It is a dance in which we all willingly participate~

Frustrating~
but titillatingly so~

Desperate Dating Behavior Scares Me!

2008-04-29T15:12:00.009-04:00

Here's a funny and pretty accurate picture (from a guy's perspective) about what makes for a scary new date~

Girls - read this and keep it in check! If you find yourself doing any of these behaviors, you are focusing waaaaaayyyy too much on that new guy and not enough on other things~

Dating Humor: Are you a "bunny boiler." Has your fatal attraction scared your new hottie away? Here are the Top 11 complaints real-life daters have about desperate dating behaviors. So knock it off!From ReaniMate Dating Humor, based on real experiences in Minneapolis and St. Paul.

How to be the perfect Girlfriend

2008-04-29T09:16:00.013-04:00

I found this tongue in cheek video produced in the UK on how to be the perfect girlfriend.

Enjoy!

How To Be The Perfect Girlfriend

Buck Fuddies~

2008-04-28T08:59:00.013-04:00

So what's a girl to do when the right guy just isn't coming along?

I've met a number of guys out there who would be great dating/partner material. For one reason or another, they just aren't available. Whether they're still not over their last relationship or marriage, whether they're not looking for anything long-term, whether there is just a significant age difference - something is not aligned and we don't match up in what we're looking for.

At the same time, we have a lot in common, enjoy one another's company, and feel physical chemistry.

So, what's a girl to do?

I get calls from these guys from time to time, wondering if I'd like to spend time together. They aren't suggesting dinner and a movie. What they want to do is to come over, chat a little and then hop into bed.

Admittedly, from time to time, I am in the same mood and I've accepted the offer.

Here's the rub, it just plain stinks to have them get up and leave and to wake up alone. I feel worse the next day than if I had spent the night before alone. For me, a physical connection is so much more intense if the person I'm with is someone I can build an emotional connection with as well as a physical connection.

I know what I'm looking for - I just don't have it available to me right now.

More and more lately, I'm turning down the offer when I get those calls. It's a costs/benefits thing - the benefits are fun, but they are so short lived! The cost of feeling more lonely afterwards just isn't worth it as much. I wonder if I"m alone in this. The fantasy of casual sex is so much more fun when it's just a fantasy. The reality is a little empty.

When you care enough...............

2008-04-25T17:59:00.017-04:00

Crawling through some sites on the web,I found this site that Slate Magazine had posted about.

Inspot.org will send an anonymous e-postcard to anyone you specify to let them know they should be checked for an STD. Some postcards are specific about what should be screened for and others are more general.

I hope I never receive one of these - but I'm glad the service exists!

Just a reminder to play safe!

E-discord - an exercise in dating futility

2008-04-25T08:01:00.010-04:00

My entre' into the world of online dating happened by chance. I received an email from the eharmony site offering a free personality profile. Being the curious person that I am, and the huge procrastinator that I am, I willingly clicked on the profile and clicked away happily at the multiple choice questions. I'm sure there are millions of you out there who have done the same thing. Once I got the personality profile I was pleasantly surprised by its accuracy.

Next, I was presented with a page of attributes and was told to click on things that I couldn't live with and things I couldn't live without. Again, I clicked away, enjoying this exercise in clarification of my desired partner. I should have known I was in trouble when I clicked on the "FINISH" button and received the following message:

"We see you have checked more than 30 selections. Please limit your selections to just 10 Must Haves and 10 Don't Wants."

My first reaction was to laugh out loud. Not just "lol" but really, laugh out loud so hard that the dog turned her head to see what was going on. It struck me - Oooooooh - that's what the problem is! I just want too much! Obviously, expecting that someone not lie, cheat, steal, and that they brush their teeth, bathe, and be affectionate was sufficient. If I wanted to require that they also not be a racist or that they have a place to live I was simply asking too much! I mean, we're not talking subtleties here folks; I wasn't requiring that they be a member of Greenpeace, or that they support a particular political candidate. I wasn't even requiring that they be romantic, or creative, or intelligent at this stage - it was the rock bottom basics!

So, at this point, I decided that this was not going to be a site that worked for me and I hit the cancel button. Much to my dismay, when I went back to my email, there was a list of my "matches" waiting for me. Naively, I opened this email. Wrong, wrong, wrong! OF COURSE, there were several people who seemed interesting. OF COURSE, I clicked on one of their pictures to find out more. That's where they get you. If I wanted to see any more information, I had to pay. Suffice it to say curiosity killed this cat and I have now been subjected to "match" after "match" who is nothing like the person I'd like to meet.

The first e-discord match that I decided to converse with was polite and we seemed to have some common interests. I wasn't hearing violins, but after emailing for a bit, we decided to meet. It was around the holidays and with schedules that didn't mesh, etc., we set a date for a week or so later. A few days before the scheduled coffee date, I received an email.

Now, here's where you need to know a little more about me. I'm an active person, in the good weather, I run, bicycle, play soccer, hike and camp. In the winter, add in winter hiking and recently snowboarding. I like being outdoors and I specifically stated in my profile that I was looking for someone who would join me for one or more of these activities.

So, back to this email. This is where the date-to-be let me know that "this was the tough part of online dating....." He had to let me know, so that I wouldn't be completely shocked when we met in person, that he was in a wheelchair. Now, I've told this story to my friends and some laugh out loud and get the irony of the situation right away. Others say that I was being narrow minded and I should have given him a chance and that perhaps he could participate in some of the activities I liked with adaptive equipment, etc.

I thought long and hard about this when it happened and this is how I feel about it. If this guy had been honest in his profile and had stated up front that he was in a wheelchair but was very active with adaptive skiing, murderball, what have you I might actually have met him. I just want someone who is interested in being physically active. This guy didn't mention that at all and, in fact, showed pictures that hid the fact that he was in a wheelchair. He conversed with me for a couple of weeks by email before disclosing that he was in a wheelchair.

I felt like I had been lied to, purposefully deceived and that was no way to start a connection of any kind, let alone a romantic relationship. He did relay that it was difficult for him to meet women who would be open to him and who could see beyond his chair. You know what - I get that - I really do. As I said to him, though, by assuming that no one would see beyond his chair, he lost out on meeting someone who might.

So, that's my eharmony story. There are more, like the chiropractor who specified that he was highly allergic to cats. I didn't initiate communication with him and he sent an email nudging me to talk. The way eharmony is set up, though, is that you have to choose from pre-formatted questions for the first two emails you send, and the person your communicating with has to do the same. So, it was a volley of emails before I could write my own thoughts and ask him if there was any "give" on this cat issue - could we establish a "cat free" rule for some rooms in the house, etc. No way, this guy would have to live on an inhaler in order to date me!

I've was bombarded with a ton of men at the upper limits of my age requirements who were clearly very out of shape and shared no similar interests. After a few weeks, the number of potential dates dwindled and at this point, I receive one "match" a month if I'm lucky. Being the frugal person (ok, poor grad student) that I am, I'm hooked into this site for a number of months to come, because that was the cheapest way to go. It's laughable how popular this site is and how many horror stories I've heard about it! A fellow grad student did her thesis on online dating and liked my stories so much she used them to illustrate some of her points about what she had found.

I'm sure there are eharmony success stories out there, but I am clearly NOT one of them!

Creative Profiles~

2008-04-23T20:48:00.009-04:00

Hey! just got out of prison ladies and lookin to score "BIG TIME!" I have no sense of humor and I am short, fat, bald, and really ugly.

My personality sucks and I have an unidentifiable odor about me. My dinner conversations are less than desirable and you better wear a nose plug (afore mentioned odor) and my cooking sucks. I think the lunch meat is old, but the pickles are good though they are well preserved.

I do not like anything romantic, I hate travel, candlelit dinners, holding hands, cuddling, and kissing, yuck.
My kids are not a problem, all ten of them are in juvie hall not expected out anytime soon. Their mothers are still trying to collect child support, but all the drugs I've done really messes up the genetic testing.(lucky for me) I have lots of great relatives, as a matter of fact there is this little town in the middle of nowhere and we are all related. Cool huh? I have no $ either hope social security is not a problem???

Well as far as my ideal match? Must bathe once a month whether they need it or not. Teeth are optional, and lots of hair is desirable especially if it protrudes from the ears and nose.
There was this Doctor in the psych ward and she had a mustache, got me real hot!

Please send a picture so I can make sure you are not related to me, come to find out my last girlfriend was my cousin and that did not work out very well.Dating may get complicated because I'm still on house arrest, and all my outside time must be spent with my parole officer.Hey! maybe we could double date if you have any friends, and if it doesn't work out between us, I could ask her out to boot!
And the best part? If you respond to this add I will ask for your phone number and send you a picture of my "Junk" as soon as possible!!!

What "I AM" looking for in a woman is someone who can look through that line of BS, and see it for what it really is ,just an attempt to stand out in this crowd of endless blah, blah, blah,...I'm no way like that guy , but I am cute,(so i'm told) smart and funny. Give a wicked massage, and am also a very good listener. I would love to hear from you soon.
A first date would include, (but may not be limited to); embarrassing you in public,..... i.e. loud noises (flatulance, belching, snorting, sneezing , coughing without covering my mouth)
Public displays of affection (which may or may not include);.... holding hands, kissing/french kissing ,groping, fondling, exchanging bodily fluids, talk of sex, thinking of sex, checking out the girl in the next booth/dreaming of sex.

Act now this is a limited time offer. Offer is only good in the continental United States and Virgin Islands (he he he ,.I said Virgin) Offer may not be combined with any coupons or rebates.
Any resemblance of this add to any previous dates or mishaps is purely coincidental. Names have been changed to protect the innocent and hide my true identity from future ex-wives and paternity testing.

This is a profile that I found recently on an online dating site. The author was very good natured about letting me post it - I agreed to keep his identity safe, but if any of you ladies in the CT area are interested, I'd be happy to pass your info. along.

Cheap Dates

2008-04-23T07:16:00.026-04:00

Click for more graphics at Soge Shirts

A friend called me about an interesting scenario last night~

He relayed that a friend of his had met a great girl recently and they had a great date. They even kissed halfway through! Go Cupid!

Things were moving along swimmingly until the guy asked the server if coupons were accepted (he had a coupon for a free desert).

The girl agreed to another date but called two days later to cancel and specifically mentioned the coupon thing as the reason. The guys were dismayed that this girl would be so judgmental as to cancel a date with someone that she clearly liked over the use of a coupon.

The way it was handled seemed harsh to me, but I could also understand where this girl was coming from - at least to a degree. I figure a first real date, beyond your basic meet and greet over a cup of coffee, is the time when you want to impress the person you're with. If someone is using a coupon on the first date they either a) don't have a job or b) are just going to get more and more stingy as time goes on. Neither one of those scenarios bodes well for a long-term connection (at least for me).

Where do you stand on this? How long do you have to be dating before using a coupon at a restaurant would be ok?

Proper Dating Grammer - use of the "fbomb"

2008-04-22T14:43:00.016-04:00

I have to credit my friend Lisa for sending this along~

What's a day without some humor?

Swinging - "In the Life"

2008-04-22T11:48:00.020-04:00

Swinging; wife swapping, "in the life" - all euphemisms for couples having multiple sexual encounters with others (usually strangers). It seems I lead an interesting life~

Swinging is another aspect of dating/sexuality that I've learned about since starting online dating. Different from being poly, people who swing aren't looking to form long-term emotional connections with people; they're looking for sexual adventure and exploration. (At least that's how I understand it - if I'm wrong, please correct me).

I've met and talked to people who are involved with swinging now or who have been in the past. One of the interesting things I just learned is that swinging clubs or parties will not allow single men to join or participate, but single women are allowed - vedddy interesting!

I've heard stories about how swinging has led to divorces because of different expectations and agendas, but I don't know if that's an unusual occurrence or the norm.

I found this video on youtube - a Nightline special on the multi-million dollar business of swinging. Be warned, there are some flashes of nudity. I was blown away by how much $$ is being made catering to the swinging crowd! (as an aside, I also wondered about hygiene and how often sheets are changed on the "outdoor lovebeds"at these events, but I don't want to be a buzz kill.)

Here's a trailer for another VH1 documentary about swinging - focused more on married women wanting their first bisexual experience (thanks to my favorite documentary and movie aficionado Pete aka I Like Being Tragic).

Finally, here's link to a trailer for a movie that explores "wife swapping" between two couples who are neighbors and friends. I haven't seen it, but the trailer is pretty intense and I'll probably rent it just to see what happens.

We Don't Live Here Anymore

As an aside, for my fellow cyber-daters out there - in my research about swinging and the poly lifestyle I learned that OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish, two of the free online dating sites are known for being sites where people interested in these lifestyles can meet.

Bisexuality - what's in a name?

2008-04-21T09:33:00.019-04:00

There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. (more on that in a bit)

Some people have asked me why I chose to label myself as "straight" in my dating profiles when I dated women for a number of years between being married and now (when I'm dating men again).

Given the choice, I'd prefer not to have to chose a label at all. With the way the dating websites work, though, my profile might not be displayed if I chose no label. So, I'm faced with choosing between two labels.

Right now, I choose "straight" but I share my history of dating women the first time I meet someone face to face. If I decide to meet someone in person they've already shown a certain level of open-mindedness and I'm pretty sure going into the meeting that they aren't going to have a strong reaction to it. So far I've only had one person react negatively and even that was mild. "I didn't want to date him anyway", this fox decided.

I choose not to use the "bi" label because there are certain assumptions that go along with that. I've decided to date men exclusively - at least for now. There's a possibility that I'll want to date women again sometime in the future - but I don't see myself wanting to date men and women simultaneously - it's kind of like mixing chocolate and vanilla ice cream - I like to keep them separate, savor each for their own unique, um........tastes. Somehow, though, people assume that if someone is bisexual they're hypersexual and want to sleep with anything with two legs.

The other issue that comes up with the bi label is the fear that bisexuality leads to lower ethical standards and a greater propensity for cheating. I have to say that lesbians are way more concerned about that than men, but I am still frequently asked about it by the men I know.

One of the unexpected reactions I've had to sharing my history of dating women is men's greater comfort in discussing their sexual histories and fantasies. It's been great and I've had some incredibly interesting conversations that I know I never had when I had dated men before.

There are a number of guys out there who have had sex with another guy or who want to have sex with another guy, just once, to see what it's like. I say, go for it! Who cares? You only go through this life once! Who's going to judge you? Do you think some higher moral authority really cares about whose body you chose to touch when there are wars and genocide going on in the world? Honestly - you're just not that important in the bigger scheme of things - enjoy your life, try something new - at the very least, you'll have a good story to tell in the nursing home! Who knows, it might even be a turn-on for the little old lady sitting next to you some day!

Number two

2008-04-18T13:05:00.013-04:00

Just in case you're worried, this is not going to be a blog about fecal matter. If you're interested in that kind of thing, or if you like humor in general, I suggest you check out my friend Fitz's blog Toilet Scribble. I check in on it at least once a day and he's always saying something that makes me laugh or shake my head in wonder. I'm really not sure how he comes up with some of the things that flow from his brain out through his fingers.

No, this is actually about dating - specifically, dating in the modern era when half of first marriages end in divorce. Inevitably, if you're over thirty and you're in the world of dating, you're going to date someone who is divorced.

That presents all sorts of challenges. If there are kids involved, the complications grow exponentially. One of the problems that I've come across is what happens if the person you're spending time with hasn't resolved the "hurts" they carry with them from their divorce.

I've found this to be true during disagreements. All of a sudden, I've realized I'm not just having a disagreement with the person across from me, but I'm arguing with their ex. and their' ex.'s communication patterns and all of the built up hurts and unresolved conflicts that my date has brought with them.

I don't have the answer for this - I guess you could have a rule not to date anyone who has been divorced. Or, you could require your dates to have gone XX amount of years since their divorce. Inevitably, though, I think this stuff is going to come up and will need to be slogged through, or not, depending upon your level of investment.

This came up for me recently and as I was on my way into campus today, my Joe Jackson cd came up in my changer. I thought this song was especially fitting. Let me know what you think about this topic, I'm looking for feedback.

Six Words~

2008-04-17T20:25:00.006-04:00

Single vs. Available - Poly vs. Cheating

2008-04-17T08:43:00.012-04:00

"You seem like a nice woman, someone I'd like to meet. Just confirm that you know that I am married but OK to play."

So, this was the response I received to an email I sent someone on a dating site. No where on the person's profile did it mention that they were "poly" or married. When I asked about it, this was the explanation:

"You are right, it wasn't listed on my profile so I went back and added it in. I think you will know if someone might be married based on their status at the top of the page...it is says single then they are not married, but if it says 'available' then I guess they might be married like me."

Ah, the old "available" trick - I hadn't seen it.

It turns out, we had some things in common and met for a drink and will likely be activity buds. I don't play well in the sandbox with others, so the poly thing clearly isn't for me, but I'm a naturally curious person and I had some questions. My new friend was happy to explain how the poly thing works for them. Both he and his wife are able to find other "friends" to spend time with. Their approach is for each to find one other person with whom they form a long-term connection. They talk openly about their contacts with that other person. He says it doesn't cause jealousy and it enhances their sex life.

Now, I find this hard to believe. I'll admit it - being in a poly relationship would turn me into an anxious, jealous quivering blob of jello. I don't get jealous if the person I'm with talks to someone else, and I'm fine with taking a date to a party and mingling freely about without each other. I have a lot of interests and friends and I would hope the person I'm with has their own interests and friends as well. I don't expect we will spend every minute of every day with each other. On the other hand, if I knew they were flirting with and sleeping with someone else, I would be totally freaked. Call me immature, it's just how I'm wired.

This new activity bud was up front about his life and what he was looking for and I appreciate that. It allowed me to tell him what I was looking for and it opened up the chance for a friendship.

I had a different experience a few months back. I was contacted by someone on a social networking site. The person seemed incredibly creative, talented and interesting. We shared some common interests and exchanged emails for a while. Eventually, we began to chat. Quickly after we began chatting my leetle friend kazoo was sitting on my shoulder and telling me things didn't seem quite right. I asked some questions about where this person lived and whether they lived alone, etc. and it seemed that was always when they had to get off. Quickly, I pushed them on this info. and the truth came out.

He called himself "poly" but his wife and young child didn't know about his outside interests. Or, rather, his wife knew that he wanted to be "poly" and didn't agree with it, so they didn't discuss it anymore. He decided to pursue outside connections anyway. I asked how this was different from cheating and he didn't have a good answer. To me, it was a way of rationalizing infidelity, not "poly" at all.

It's a strange world we live in. I've met others who have said that leading a poly or swinging lifestyle (to be discussed tomorrow) led to the breakdown of their relationships or marriages. Others swear that being poly or swinging has allowed them to stay married for much longer than they ever would have. I have another friend who has stayed married "for the kids" and is only intimate with his wife a few times a month. He suspects she may have other outside interests, but hasn't asked.

If nothing else, it has been reinforced that my beliefs and ideas about how the world "should" operate work for me and maybe some others - but they don't work for everyone. There are so many other "lifestyles" out there that seem to work for people.

So, why is it that Fred Phelps is so worked up about gay and lesbian marriages. Why are they such a threat to society so much more than polyamory, or swinging, or marriages of convenience?

Here's a humorous video about the world of poly relationships (not for the prudish!) Enjoy!

http://www.goodiebag.tv.episodes/polly_wally.htmf

How much do looks matter?

2008-04-16T06:45:00.023-04:00

Recently, I've been struck by a couple of people who had torso-only shots on their profiles. Normally, I wouldn't pay much attention to these having heard the stories of friends about surprises they had experienced on meet-ups. However, these two profiles were extremely well written.
'"
The authors came across as intelligent, passionate and in touch with their emotions. Neither of them mentioned anything about sex, nascar, poker, or cigars and neither of them referred to wanting to "find a nice gal" or "lady" They didn't have any extreme religious or political ideals and they weren't poly, or in open marriages. They came across as genuinely nice people with similar interests to me. So, against my better judgement, I contacted them.

After some preliminary communication, I was able to see one via IM (btw - webcam on IM is a very strange thing indeed, and I think it ought to be avoided in general, but especially for the first "conversation" with someone). The other sent along a picture.

To say that there was no physical attraction is being kind. One of them looked like my father, balding, but with the shiny halo look on top with a fringe of hair - the other, much heavier and more hirsute than I could have guessed from the initially posted "art shots" on his profile.

I was forced to grapple with my own values and question what I was really looking for in a mate. I've had to accept that looks are a part of the formula for me. They aren't the only thing, but they do matter. I've been surprised to learn that I am actually attracted to men who are completely bald or who shave their hair very close or completely. However, that attraction can't overshadow someone who is overweight or who can't construct a sentence using proper grammar and spell-check. In these instances, the positive personality qualities and similar interests of these guys couldn't outweigh the lack of basic physical chemistry.

The next dilemma was how I was going to gracefully back away from these encounters without feeling like a schmuck. I've viewed this on-line dating experience as an opportunity to work on communication skills (among other things). So, in each instance, I emailed the person and let them know that I didn't feel there was any chemistry for me. I haven't heard back - no surprise. Of course, I felt bad, as I am sure they did.

I've been left pondering this thing called attraction and how it fits into mate selection. What is it that draws us to another person initially and then keeps us interested. Is it truly possible to find someone through an on-line profile?
What do you think?

Here are some on-line articles that I found interesting on these subjects. The first talks about the science of physical attraction and the second, the different behaviors that men and women use to attract a mate. Enjoy!

Men's and Women's Attraction Techniques
The Rules of Attraction in the Game of Love

How much does physical attraction matter to you when choosing a potential mate?

Not at all	0 (0%)
A little - other things matter more	4 (25%)
It has to be a package deal	12 (75%)
Looks come first, everything else follows	0 (0%)

Votes so far: 16

Poll closed

Male Hygiene -or maintaining the putting green

2008-04-15T12:06:00.015-04:00

So, in this world of dating I've observed a trend in male hygiene that is new to me. I'll admit, it's been quite some time since I was last out in the world of dating men, so this may not be a new trend at all - just new to me.

I've met a number of men who take care to trim things up "down there" to make for a more pleasant experience should anyone want to get a closer inspection or provide a little tlc. This isn't just one person, but I've met at least 4-5 guys in the past few months who have said that they do this. Now, don't go assuming I've slept with all of them - I've been curious about it and I'm fairly open about asking these things and most guys don't have any qualms about talking about it.

They aren't just trimming the "rough" but are making sure the equipment is good to go as well. I am in no way complaining and I commend these guys for paying attention. I don't care if it could construed as self-serving toward the end of enticing someone to show a little love - the truth is, it does make for a much more pleasant experience and I, at least, appreciate it. One could even say a woman would be encouraged to practice and improve her - er - "short game" if the putting green were maintained this nicely

Women have been trimming and waxing for years - they realized the benefits of this a long time ago.

What I'm wondering is when this practice started with the guys and if it just happens to be the guys I have met, or if this is a broader trend. Is this a new "metro-sexual" thing or are construction workers and plumbers doing it to? Also, what kind of razor are you all using? Is this something that's done with an electric trimmer so as to get close but not too close, or are you actually using a regular Schick down there??? YIKES - the thought of that scares me and I don't even own the equipment!

I'm looking for some feedback on this - I truly am curious.

Oh, one thing I have learned, if a guy has just trimmed and accidentally starts to put a spermicidal condom on inside out the results are NOT pretty!

Do you trim or shave the netherlands?

Woman - Yes	4 (20%)
Woman - No	2 (10%)
Man - Yes	8 (40%)
Man - No	6 (30%)

Votes so far: 20

Poll closed

True character always shines through!

2008-04-13T12:03:00.006-04:00

This was the response I received from the author of a series of 50 questiions when I let him know I appreciated his survey and posted it on one of my online profiles on a social networking site which shall remain nameless. Sigh. Only proves the point about the way people treat one another when they are hidden behind the shield of anonymity.

So, to be fair, I will credit the survey in my previous blog and the email below to it's rightful author (despite his lack of knowledge about copyright and public domains).

Knightlight4u - profile can be found on plentyoffish.com. I'm sure that once you see the email below, you will certainly be prompted to contact him for a date :-)

And, as he has now blocked me, I was unable to send him an email of sincere apologies. Please pass them along on my behalf.

"It is not only copyright infringement to take the works of others without their permission but it also shows you have absolutely no manners or morals whatsoever to not even have the decency to request to use my work before you steal it for your own selfish purposes. If you had even one shred of decency you would be ashamed of yourself and your sleazy behavior and immediately remove "my work" from anything to do with you. Please never contact me again. I have reported your sleazy behavior to Plentyoffish in an attempt to save others from having to suffer from your scummy antics."

Personal email received by this author on 4/1308 from Knightlight4u on the Plentyoffish.com dating

website

Imagined Chat~

2008-04-12T12:00:00.005-04:00

This was shamelessly lifted from the online journal of a fellow blogger. I think he lifted it from another source, and so it goes. Please check out his blog which is equally as funny and irreverent as this online "chat".

http://www.toiletscribble.com/

Enjoy!

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of
barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!

The saddest profile I've ever seen - someone thrown this guy a - eh - bone!

2008-04-11T11:58:00.004-04:00

My self-summary:

When I'm really interested in someone, I'm totally devoted and completely committed, even if the other person isn't as interested. I strongly believe that two-way communication is vital to keeping a relationship together. If only one person is doing all the work to form or keep the relationship together, it's not really a healthy relationship. In fact, it may not even be a relationship at all to the person not doing the work. If this is me and you and I'm the one doing all the work, I'll eventually get tired of it, but I have remarkable staying power. Sometimes you just have to say "Goodbye, Lee" and never talk to me again to get me to stop.

What I'm doing with my life:

I still make music for a living and am still able to live on my own in Miami from just that income.

20070513UPDATE: I'm going to be waiting tables for a while to take care of a stupid financial mistake I made a year ago. The music still pays all my basic bills, but this emergency required me to do something else.

20070802UPDATE: I am working on a startup business that sells handcrafted luxury bath and body supplies to the hospitality industry. So many details to get started. Message me about it and I'll tell you more.

20070827UPDATE: Well, no one emailed me, so I know how much people read and care about this profile. I must be a masochist to keep coming here and finding out that the only emails in my mailbox are from the PeanutLabs people telling me there's a new survey available.

20080229UPDATE: Very few emails except for the PeanutLabs ones. Oh well. Back to the dunking booth.

20080406UPDATE: I'm annoyed by the PeanutLabs mails. Almost no other emails otherwise. *sigh*

What I'm good at:

I'm also good at finding people who just ignore me period and don't have the simple human decency to tell me "Thank you I'm flattered, but I'm not interested--even in being friends." If you choose to ignore me, then you're in very, very good company.

I'm also good at being bitter.

My favorite things:

These four things are about all I have to keep me company. I'm lucky I'm a good cook, so I can treat myself to good healthy meals (although after a while you wonder if there's really a point to it all--and there is: ice cream and chocolate binges). I'm a old movie buff, and also love animation, but I prefer old time radio shows. I enjoy jazz and classical music, and I love reading nonfiction, trivia books and "how to" books and cookbooks.

I spend a lot of time thinking about:

lots of things, but I'm pretty sure no one wants to hear about them. How do I know this? Because I think aloud a lot of the time, and I get told often to shut up.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit:

In a little under a year, I'll be a real living 40-year old virgin (there is no typo or misprint, you did read that correctly), which seems to scare many people away. They just assume something must be wrong with me if I couldn't get laid by now. Heck, I was a strip club DJ for 3 years and I still couldn't get laid. How pathetic is that?

First impressions - what are they thinking!!!

2008-04-11T00:00:00.004-04:00

All quotes unabashedly lifted from on-line profiles currently being highlighted on a popular on-line dating site (all spelling errors directly attributed to the original authors).

• I'm too lazy to write this stuff all over again. Please check out my nick (xxxxx) at xxxxxdotcom

• I am a professional juggler, but really more into writing now. I will probably get seriously back into juggling very soon. I am insanely addicted to Indie music. I love Indie music, I will talk incessantly about it if you let me. I will burn cd's for you

• ExHorse Jockey, which means that I am short in statur but "Not Little" :-)

• I would love to fall in love. However, I will settle for a date right now. I like to spend lots of time observing nature whether that is birds or dragonflies or whatever comes my way. Bears are always fun………I am a nice guy who maybe is not the most exciting person in the world except in a few areas. That last statement is a hint in a number of ways. ……..At least I have hair and it is not gray yet……… Just a warning, I am going to spend a lot of time in the woods and not at church or the mall. Yes, I am an atheist.

• I am a clinitian and have many degrees from higher learning I enjoy my work and will continue in the health field. I would like someone who is intelligent, preferably professional, and is up for dinning and dating.I am married and do not want the lawyers to get 1/3rd of my property values. Therefore I am looking for a relationship that is discreet to protect me and not to upset the household. I am looking for the right one and therefore I am in no hurry.

• We could live without war. That might entail giving up differences of power, wealth, fixed roles, access to necessities, belief systems, prestige ... but also might allow a flourishing of other kinds of differences. A friend suggests that this could come about through conversation. I write, paint, draw, sculpt, compose, play, act, direct, listen, teach, organize with such thoughts in mind. That's my work. I'm in a committed long-distance couple relationship, emotionally poly, and alternate irregularly between living in NYC and Urbana, IL.

• I've loved, I've lost, been married twice ( LONG story folks!! ) I'm experienced in life, well versed, went thru 4 years of college, many trade schools and have much education under my belt....From Music business Management to Web design to Security Guard to Fire safety Director and more..
Currently regaining my career and life after many years ( 2001 ).

I keep in touch with friends via my Yahoo, Myspace and Facebook accounts because my friends are all over the place....Also, my musical contacts as well.

Dele Cares - I wish he didn't care so much!

2008-04-10T11:50:00.005-04:00

We've all received these scary computer generated emails but sometimes they are so hilarious, they just need to be shared!

Hello,
My name is Dele Owen, i live atWilton CT. I stumbled on your profile and i found it very interesting.The way you describe your personality fits the kind of woman i want in my Life.I have been hurt a bit of times.I had a terrible divorce 3yrs ago but now i want to put my past behind me,now i want to build and start a strong and long lasting relationship with a good,kind,honest,faithful and loving woman.I have a lot to offer in a relationship both emotionally,physically and materially.I’m from a little paradise country egypt . But i have lived in CT for 20 years now , but right now am in Africa for this job .But i do shuttle around United states,U.k,Europe , Australia, and Africa.I’m a Civil Engineer by profession .My job makes me travel a lot at times cos i get different Building Contracts from Individuals Abroad.I’m in Africa Nigeria at the moment.I have been here for the past 2months on a Road Construction And some Eastate Building .My job here almost over in a few weeks time.I would like to start up an email and phone conversation with you.So we could get to know more about each other.I’m ready to come visit you in any location.Dear all i want is Love and Commitment.I could be the perfect man you need in your life.I have been lonely for long,i want that to end soon..I belief so much in kindness and helping of the needy.
Am kind of new in this online thing But i think i like you and i will like to know you. cus you are the only woman i have e mail on the internet dating site and am planing to relocate to you area. and i will like to meet you inperson. all this days i have not find a woman of my own tast and now that i found you i will be glad if you respond to my message. Tell me if you are intrested or not. But i will be much more happy if you can accept to know each other cus i don’t know when am gonna find a woman like you ever again.I think this letter is getting too long for an Introduction.I will stop here for now and hope to here from you soonest.Thanks.here is my e mail owen_dele@yahoo.com and i will be so much happy if we can exchange e mail address over here so we can mail each over on our private e mail address. hope to hear from you soon bye
Dele Care’s

T.D.H.

2008-04-10T00:00:00.005-04:00

Some guys would get more dates if only they could hold it together long enough to make it through an IM chat without letting their true nature shine through!
girl: hi there - what does t.d.h. mean?

guy: tall, dark and handsome

girl: oh

girl: well your profile looks too good to be true, what’s the catch?

guy: catch?

guy: no catch?

girl: just teasing.....

guy: I’m the catch

guy: me

girl: how long have you been single?

guy: seven years

guy: guess my profile is so good that is scares all of the women away

girl: LOL!

girl: It’s a crazy world

guy: it pisses me off!
guy: I’ve been on this site for over a year and haven’t had one good date off of it!
guy: every scumbag out there has someone

girl: wow, that’s pretty harsh

guy: sorry for my angst

girl: (tactfully trying to disengage) so, I need to head to bed, but maybe we could email a bit?

guy: ok, good night

IM's - Cougar Hunting

2008-04-09T11:37:00.004-04:00

There's always some young guy thinking he can charm a desperate older woman~

21 y.o. guy: are all of the requirements on your profile mandatory?

42 y.o. woman: YES! LOL!

guy: oh, I meet all of them except 1

woman: well, I have a 19 y.o. daughter, it would be a little weird for me to be sleeping with someone who was only 2 years older than her

guy: is that the only reason

woman: no! I can’t imagine a 21 y.o. guy wanting to develop a committed long-term relationship with a 42 y.o. woman and that’s what I’m looking for

woman: nor should they! LOL!

guy: don’t talk to me like that - like I’m 21 - I have been through more at my age than most 40 year olds. im more mature and experienced and better in bed that any man twice my age

woman: (attempting buddhist tactics) ok, I’m sorry I offended you; I didn’t meant to be condescending

guy: well, has any guy ever said that before?

woman: what?

guy: that they’re better in bed than other men?

woman: MANY!
woman: MANY!

guy: have you ever passed out before

woman: no
woman: why would I want to?

guy: well I’m just saying that most guys aren’t interested in a woman and I"m so interested I keep going

guy: even in emotional times

woman: ok
woman: well, it isn’t a contest

guy: well, I’m just saying, in case you think there are guys out there that aren’t interested

woman: no, I know that

guy: good

woman: ok, well, I need to go~

Venus/Mars or completely different solar systems?

2008-04-09T01:20:00.004-04:00

Names changed to protect the innocent ☺

Girl: Nice picture - what would your profile say?

Guy: It would say I am fun, spontaneous, sexy, smart and creative. I sometimes drive bt Hartford on the way to Springfield. See you there perhaps?:-)

Girl: Yes, you should let me know when you’re driving through Hartford - but, what’s in Springfield??? II also head into the city from time to time; I’ll let you know when I’m heading in. How much do you ride? I’m getting ready to get my bike out on the road - finally!!!

Guy: Fair enough. Enjoy the bike ride and I’ll take a run and we’ll be in great shape when we meet.

Girl: So, I’m curious~

I’ve seen a number of profiles with just pictuers and no text - do you think you’re less likely or more likely to get visits and contacts with that approach? I think it would make a great social experiment. I have my guesses about the results, but I’m interested in what your experience has been.

Guy: I’m guessing people don’t take this site seriously--I certainly don’t. It’s all about spontaneous fun for me. If it happens, great. If not, well, c’est la vie. Or maybe people are just trying to be mysterious:-)

Girl: Wow - if you don’t take this site seriously, you should check out xxxxxx! Jeez, is that site a hoot. I’ve been contacted by more crazy people than I knew existed!

Mystery is nice~

Guy: well beware the crazies:-) Mystery is nice--so is spontaneity and passion:-)

Girl: Agreed - like spontaneous trips to shows out of state, just for the fun of it~ will you be making an appearance?

Guy: I can’t--though xxxxx should be fun. Now if you were coming straight to my bedroom, I’d be impressed:-)

Girl: Damn~is it my pictures of is this just a guy thing? I can’t tell you how many times that’s the approach I’ve received!

I love sex but it’s just plain underwhelming to have sex with someone you barely know and with whom there’s no strong connection on some other level.

I’d meet you in New Paltz for a run or a bike ride and some good coffee~ I’m finding that good sex isn’t as rare as I thought it was and good conversation is nearly impossible to find~

Guy: Trust me, I’m not a typical man. And I disagree, good sex is hard to find--I mean, really good, memorable sex. And if we have sex, I promise to provide good pillow talk:-) Be bold.

Girl: Careful, you might end up on my myspace page dedicated to dating nightmares.......LOL!

I’m not just looking for pillow talk, silver tongue~

I’m looking for the real thing - someone who will be there the next weekend telling me they couldn’t stop thinking about me (not just sexually) and who will plan hikes and bike rides and who wants to cook dinner together. Someone who will remember my favorite wine and favorite flower. In return, I give the same, plus great massages, readily get up for your favorite drink if your glass is empty and play a decent game of pool. I can discuss anything from power tools to Nietzsche. All this, plus, I promise the sex is amazing and only gets better with time.

So, it is not I who needs to channel the intrepid warrier within~

You sound great--I need spontaneity first and the rest will follow. Tools to Nietzsche--Freud would have a heydey with that:-) I wish you luck on your quest. If you get bored or feel wild, write to me.